There are a gazillion articles on the benefits of breast milk.
This is not one of them.
Instead I want to say HOORAY!!!!!!! for breast milk.
Really when I finally get to see God, I'll tell Him face to face what I feel every single day - Thank You for breast milk!
I don't think there has EVER been a better invention when it comes to baby care.
Luke loves it. I love it.
It has been amazing for us.
I've been exclusively breastfeeding since Luke was born.
It's not something some of my family relatives have been too ok with - but I've made it very clear that Luke is my baby and this is what I think is best for us.
At four months I am so grateful he hasn't been sick once.
He had the sniffles after his first paed visit. My husband reckons he caught it from the other kids who had colds there.
When Luke was born his one eye seemed to have an infection.
My mom advised I get him some ointment but a breastfeeding consultant advised I just gently squirt some breast milk into his eye.
I did and it worked!
Luke's first vaccination was so painless he slept right through it.
This because the first shot is done just under the skin and the baby feels no pain.
The second vaccination though - that was heart wrenching.
My son looked at me and wailed - I couldn't help bawling with him.
I carried my incosolable baby to the car and breast fed him.
He quietened down immediately.
I fed him on demand throughout that day (as I usually do) and he didn't get a fever or temperature. We sailed right through that vaccination and all that have come after it.
What has really helped with the breast feeding is how supportive my husband has been of it.
In the first few days of Luke's birth he would tell people how amazing colostrum was.
I fail to describe how charged he'd get talking about what a super amazing "vooma!" boost colostrum was giving our baby.
Rico does everything he possibly can to ensure that we stick with our decision to exclusively breast milk feed until Luke's six months.I don't underestimate this support and our son is better for it.
Another HOORAY for breast milk!!!!!
It's really one of the best gifts we've been given. And for moms who can breast feed - what a joy, an honour and truly - what a privilege.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Benefits of massaging baby
Stretching baby and giving them a massage I think is an essential part of their development.
In their book Baby Sense Megan Faure and Ann Richardson recommend that a daily massage is ideal.
When Luke was a newborn I would gently stretch his arms and legs while he was taking a bath.
When my cousin Crystal visited with us she taught me how to gently massage him.
First she'd stretched him then she would gently massage his body using his face cloth.
The first time Crystal stretched Luke's arms and legs (her way) - his joints were stiff.
"They are seated and lying all day - they need you to help them stretch," she advised.
A few days after following Crystal's stretch and massage method, Luke's joints were more supple and he wasn't as stiff as before.
Luke's now four months old and very active. He moves his arms and legs about a lot.
Using a mobile gym has helped with this especially for his arms.
(His gross motor skills have also been improved by use of the mobile gym.)
So now I don't massage and stretch him as much in the bath.
Instead I do this while moisturising him after the bath.
According to Baby Sense touch is one of the most powerful mediums that you can use to bond with your baby and can begin within days of your baby's birth.
Among some of the benefits Baby Sense mentions:
- improved respiration
- better lymph and blood circulation
- improved gastro-intestinal function
Deepe touch and massage also calm baby and are therefore excellent remedies for colic.
The other day Luke was really upset.
I had no idea what was wrong with him - I checked for anything that would be causing him discomfort. Everything seemed fine.
I then tried the regular soothing methods I use with him and still he struggled to calm down.
My mom began to rub his feet and shortly after he begun to settle.
Other benefits Baby Sense mentions regarding massage:
- it speeds up the progress of premature and low birth-weight babies.
- babies who are regularly massaged are less likely to cry excessively, they sleep better and gain weight faster.
- massage is calming and a wonderful way to develop body awareness which is essential for the development of spatial perception later. This in turn is vital for academic skills such as writing and math.
The book however cautions to:
- Not massage baby a few days after immunizations as his temperature may be slightly raised.
- At all times keep baby's joints well aligned to prevent damage to the joints. Always use firm but gentle strokes.
- Be attuned to baby's signals after a massage. If they're unusually irritable, wait a few weeks before doing another massage.
My experience with Luke was that when I started with the massage and stretches he hated it.
Crystal was surprised by this because her daughter loved it.
Often she found that a good massage would put her baby to sound sleep for hours.
But Luke has become accustomed to the massages - I can't say he enjoys them thoroughly but since I started with them I really do see the benefits. So I'm sticking with it and being as gentle as I can.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Recommendations:
I highly recommend moms to read Baby Sense.
I've recommended this book in other blogs.
In their book Baby Sense Megan Faure and Ann Richardson recommend that a daily massage is ideal.
When Luke was a newborn I would gently stretch his arms and legs while he was taking a bath.
When my cousin Crystal visited with us she taught me how to gently massage him.
First she'd stretched him then she would gently massage his body using his face cloth.
The first time Crystal stretched Luke's arms and legs (her way) - his joints were stiff.
"They are seated and lying all day - they need you to help them stretch," she advised.
A few days after following Crystal's stretch and massage method, Luke's joints were more supple and he wasn't as stiff as before.
Luke's now four months old and very active. He moves his arms and legs about a lot.
Using a mobile gym has helped with this especially for his arms.
(His gross motor skills have also been improved by use of the mobile gym.)
So now I don't massage and stretch him as much in the bath.
Instead I do this while moisturising him after the bath.
According to Baby Sense touch is one of the most powerful mediums that you can use to bond with your baby and can begin within days of your baby's birth.
Among some of the benefits Baby Sense mentions:
- improved respiration
- better lymph and blood circulation
- improved gastro-intestinal function
Deepe touch and massage also calm baby and are therefore excellent remedies for colic.
The other day Luke was really upset.
I had no idea what was wrong with him - I checked for anything that would be causing him discomfort. Everything seemed fine.
I then tried the regular soothing methods I use with him and still he struggled to calm down.
My mom began to rub his feet and shortly after he begun to settle.
Other benefits Baby Sense mentions regarding massage:
- it speeds up the progress of premature and low birth-weight babies.
- babies who are regularly massaged are less likely to cry excessively, they sleep better and gain weight faster.
- massage is calming and a wonderful way to develop body awareness which is essential for the development of spatial perception later. This in turn is vital for academic skills such as writing and math.
The book however cautions to:
- Not massage baby a few days after immunizations as his temperature may be slightly raised.
- At all times keep baby's joints well aligned to prevent damage to the joints. Always use firm but gentle strokes.
- Be attuned to baby's signals after a massage. If they're unusually irritable, wait a few weeks before doing another massage.
My experience with Luke was that when I started with the massage and stretches he hated it.
Crystal was surprised by this because her daughter loved it.
Often she found that a good massage would put her baby to sound sleep for hours.
But Luke has become accustomed to the massages - I can't say he enjoys them thoroughly but since I started with them I really do see the benefits. So I'm sticking with it and being as gentle as I can.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Recommendations:
I highly recommend moms to read Baby Sense.
I've recommended this book in other blogs.
I'm totally glad I sleep coached Luke
So it's been three weeks since I started coaching my little man.
It hasn't been easy and I can't say we're done with the coaching but I'm really glad we stuck with it.
By "we" I mean my husband and I.
Well I did most of the coaching but Rico had to be on board.
Warning to moms who may want to sleep coach: hubby has to be on board otherwise it will be a waste of time and heartache.
Sleep coaching is not easy. But it's not hard either.
This subject, I have found, to be quite controversial.
On one hand there's the school of thought that argues that sleep coaching is necessary.
So much so that this group of folks think that sleep coaching is as important to a child's development as crawling or walking.
Then there's another group that thinks sleep coaching comes from the devil. They reckon it's abusive and ignores a child's pleas for help.
These are the two extremes and in between this spectrum is a whole array of people.
Me? I fluctuated between the two poles before and during sleep coaching Luke.
In of my entries Sleep coaching Luke: what I wished I'd known part 1 I was wallowing at the poll where I felt I had ruined my son with the coaching.
I don't feel that way anymore.
I left that entry on my blog however to show how conflicted I was during the process and to tell you that should you choose to go this route doubt might plague you.
Here's a short break down of what happened after that entry.
I spoke to my husband about how I felt and that I thought I'd crushed Luke's spirit by sleep coaching him.
My husband said: "The people who think sleep coaching is abusive and you should jump every time your kid cries are the same people who let their kids run wild. Those are the same people who cannot discipline their kids or teach them manners."
It was a pretty harsh statement and yet inside I was so grateful that he validated what I was feeling.
I'm not saying that parents who choose not to sleep coach are wrong.
I did it because I got too exhausted not doing it.
Also I didn't want to have my son depend on me to sleep. Sleep is natural. So much so that one child therapist told me that teaching my child to sleep on his own was one of the best things I could give him.
She had met many kids, especially toddlers, who just simply didn't know how to sleep.
So I continued with the coaching.
By the second week of the coaching Luke was able to fall asleep completely without any help from me.
He was back to his old cheerful self. Even that look I had missed so much in his eyes was back.
I put him down to sleep a few minutes ago. He was wide awake.
He slept without so much as a tinkle.
Am I glad my son can sleep on his own? Yes!
Was coaching fun? No.
Would I do it again? Certainly.
Do I have any guilt about taking my son through this process. Not one bit.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
It hasn't been easy and I can't say we're done with the coaching but I'm really glad we stuck with it.
By "we" I mean my husband and I.
Well I did most of the coaching but Rico had to be on board.
Warning to moms who may want to sleep coach: hubby has to be on board otherwise it will be a waste of time and heartache.
Sleep coaching is not easy. But it's not hard either.
This subject, I have found, to be quite controversial.
On one hand there's the school of thought that argues that sleep coaching is necessary.
So much so that this group of folks think that sleep coaching is as important to a child's development as crawling or walking.
Then there's another group that thinks sleep coaching comes from the devil. They reckon it's abusive and ignores a child's pleas for help.
These are the two extremes and in between this spectrum is a whole array of people.
Me? I fluctuated between the two poles before and during sleep coaching Luke.
In of my entries Sleep coaching Luke: what I wished I'd known part 1 I was wallowing at the poll where I felt I had ruined my son with the coaching.
I don't feel that way anymore.
I left that entry on my blog however to show how conflicted I was during the process and to tell you that should you choose to go this route doubt might plague you.
Here's a short break down of what happened after that entry.
I spoke to my husband about how I felt and that I thought I'd crushed Luke's spirit by sleep coaching him.
My husband said: "The people who think sleep coaching is abusive and you should jump every time your kid cries are the same people who let their kids run wild. Those are the same people who cannot discipline their kids or teach them manners."
It was a pretty harsh statement and yet inside I was so grateful that he validated what I was feeling.
I'm not saying that parents who choose not to sleep coach are wrong.
I did it because I got too exhausted not doing it.
Also I didn't want to have my son depend on me to sleep. Sleep is natural. So much so that one child therapist told me that teaching my child to sleep on his own was one of the best things I could give him.
She had met many kids, especially toddlers, who just simply didn't know how to sleep.
So I continued with the coaching.
By the second week of the coaching Luke was able to fall asleep completely without any help from me.
He was back to his old cheerful self. Even that look I had missed so much in his eyes was back.
I put him down to sleep a few minutes ago. He was wide awake.
He slept without so much as a tinkle.
Am I glad my son can sleep on his own? Yes!
Was coaching fun? No.
Would I do it again? Certainly.
Do I have any guilt about taking my son through this process. Not one bit.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A simple tip for baby's skin
So there are a few things I've learned in the few months I've had my son.
Among them - not to use Johnson and Johnson bath products on him.
One of my friend's warned me about the Johnson and Johnson baby range. At the time I had already bought the bath soaps. I thought I'd use them because they were quite pricey. I didn't intend to replace them when finished.
Each time I used the Johnson and Johnson bath soap on my son he would break out in what seemed like a painful rash.
I've been using the Johnson and Johnson baby powder on him and that seems ok. I switched to Annique because I heard it was mild. He broke out with that too.
Our doctor prescribed Oilatum soap together with Epi-max moisturizers - my son reacted to those too.
Eventually a friend advised me to use aqueous cream to bath my baby.
I thought it was absurd but a pharmacist advised it too saying she had used it on both her children.
So I creamed my baby with aqueous baby cream (the one for sensitive skin) then bathed him and immediately his skin looked better.
The redness disappeared almost instantly.
His scalp was also very dry and flaky. The pharmacist advised I use coconut oil for that.
I've been using the aqueous cream to bath and moisturise Luke and his skin seems much better.
It's still dry but the redness and rash are almost gone.
Had I known of these cheaper alternatives I would have saved myself a lot of money. And hassle.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Among them - not to use Johnson and Johnson bath products on him.
One of my friend's warned me about the Johnson and Johnson baby range. At the time I had already bought the bath soaps. I thought I'd use them because they were quite pricey. I didn't intend to replace them when finished.
Each time I used the Johnson and Johnson bath soap on my son he would break out in what seemed like a painful rash.
I've been using the Johnson and Johnson baby powder on him and that seems ok. I switched to Annique because I heard it was mild. He broke out with that too.
Our doctor prescribed Oilatum soap together with Epi-max moisturizers - my son reacted to those too.
Eventually a friend advised me to use aqueous cream to bath my baby.
I thought it was absurd but a pharmacist advised it too saying she had used it on both her children.
So I creamed my baby with aqueous baby cream (the one for sensitive skin) then bathed him and immediately his skin looked better.
The redness disappeared almost instantly.
His scalp was also very dry and flaky. The pharmacist advised I use coconut oil for that.
I've been using the aqueous cream to bath and moisturise Luke and his skin seems much better.
It's still dry but the redness and rash are almost gone.
Had I known of these cheaper alternatives I would have saved myself a lot of money. And hassle.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sleep coaching: what I wished I'd known - Part 2
So I'm on the fence about whether I should continue with the coaching or abandon it all together. Or find an alternative way of coaching that works for us.
Yesterday I was quite devastated that perhaps I'd crushed my child's spirit and/or sense of security and trust by sleep coaching him. That's what the articles I read suggested.
I talked to his dad about some of the blogs and other research I'd come across and he reckoned the people who were completely against sleep coaching (as referenced in my previous blog) were probably the same people who let their kids go wild without any boundaries.
Rico thinks Luke should have boundaries and sleep coaching is a boundary that needs to be created for him.
So yesterday I monitored my son.
I let him play alone and I continued with the coaching.
He's got the sleep right - he gets sleepy - I put him down and he sleeps.
We're still working through him playing on his own and not constantly wanting to be carried by me.
I don't leave him to play in any room alone - he plays in my full view.
So I'll do some more research today - but more importantly I'll keep watching Luke and how he's taking all this in.
At the end of the day I do want Luke to have boundaries but not at the cost of destroying his trust in me or his dad.
I want him to know that when he's unhappy or uncomfortable and needs me I will be there for him. Always.
But I will not feed into behaviour that could cost my son in the long run because I couldn't stand my ground and do what was best for him in his formative years.
I have to do what's best for Luke the child and Luke the man, now, even if it means being unpopular and losing my status as super mom in his eyes.
And of course I need to not lose my mind with fatigue because I'm carrying him all the time and up countless times at night. This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Yesterday I was quite devastated that perhaps I'd crushed my child's spirit and/or sense of security and trust by sleep coaching him. That's what the articles I read suggested.
I talked to his dad about some of the blogs and other research I'd come across and he reckoned the people who were completely against sleep coaching (as referenced in my previous blog) were probably the same people who let their kids go wild without any boundaries.
Rico thinks Luke should have boundaries and sleep coaching is a boundary that needs to be created for him.
So yesterday I monitored my son.
I let him play alone and I continued with the coaching.
He's got the sleep right - he gets sleepy - I put him down and he sleeps.
We're still working through him playing on his own and not constantly wanting to be carried by me.
I don't leave him to play in any room alone - he plays in my full view.
So I'll do some more research today - but more importantly I'll keep watching Luke and how he's taking all this in.
At the end of the day I do want Luke to have boundaries but not at the cost of destroying his trust in me or his dad.
I want him to know that when he's unhappy or uncomfortable and needs me I will be there for him. Always.
But I will not feed into behaviour that could cost my son in the long run because I couldn't stand my ground and do what was best for him in his formative years.
I have to do what's best for Luke the child and Luke the man, now, even if it means being unpopular and losing my status as super mom in his eyes.
And of course I need to not lose my mind with fatigue because I'm carrying him all the time and up countless times at night. This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Sleep coaching - what I wish I'd known! Part 1
It's a week and two days since I started sleep coaching Luke.
He's been sleeping really well - but today... it was almost as though all the coaching we did last week just flew out the window.
He's not sucking his fingers as he'd started doing successfully - today he cried a lot whenever I put him down. So much so that I couldn't put him down for long as I'd been able to do all week.
Today he wanted me close and appeared clingy.
I wondered if he was too hot - then too cold - then if his diaper was dirty - then if he was hungry - then if he had a temeprature - was he bored? - or did he just need me to hold him?
Since the coaching, he'd started to play so beautifully on his own - he'd also started sleeping so well on his own - what happened!
I've been told by relatives that Luke crying when I'm not holding him is manipulative and he needs to learn to not need to be held all the time.
At first I ignored this advice - and then came a time when I felt ill with fatigue.
Luke wanted to be held ALL the time.
If he was awake he wanted to be in my arms.
It got worse when being in my arms wasn't good enough for him anymore. He wanted me standing and rocking while I held him. Or I had to be walking around.
I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
Anyway so I thought maybe, just maybe, the women in my family had a point - I had to teach my son to not "need" being held all the time.
Last week when we started the coaching Luke was so mad at me he wouldn't look at me while feeding.
Usually when he's breastfeeding he doesn't take his eyes off me.
He looks at me.
So intense is that look it's as though he's decoding my DNA and picking out the bits he recognises as replicated in him. He looks at me as though he reads every bit of my soul, every concern, every joy, every worry, every dream, every ambition and that look says: "it's ok mommy". It's a wise look that seems to accpet the burden of being my light in places that were once overwhelmed with dark solitude. It's this deep look that says so many things that by the time he's finished feeding we've had an entire conversation - with our eyes. I miss that look.
Luke was miserable the day the coaching began - I'd expected he would be.
I'd also expected that his discomfort and unhappiness would go on beyond that day until he got the lesson.
I'd comforted myself with the idea that as soon as we got the sleep and play right he would forgive me and we'd all be the better for it.
When awake he would've learned that not being held all the time wouldn't kill him - he would be fine and then when the time came to sleep he would have learned to sleep on his own without needing to be fed or rocked to sleep.
If I'm completely honest: Luke has not been the cheerful, bubbly boy he always is.
And I really do believe that I, through the sleep coaching, have crushed my son.
During the coaching I haven't let him cry for long periods - I've been letting him cry a short while (no longer than 3-5 minutes) then I'd pick him up - comfort him, hold him tight and tell him I'm there but "Mommy's going to put you down again because you're fully capable of playing on your own."
His dad had thought the mobile gym would help because he believed Luke was probably crying because he was bored.
He likes the mobile gym but prefers it if we join him while he plays.
I've been playing a lot more music for him lately - he seems to be indifferent to it and only really lights up when I play with him and sing along while the music plays.
So something just doesn't feel right about the sleep coaching. I don't know if it's right or if I'm going about it the right way...
My research on the matter thus far has caused me to stumble upon a few blogs.
Usually I'd do some extensive research and compile a summary but today I'm far too overwhelmed to do this.
I'm gutted and I'm feeling very weepy that I've (for a whole week and two days!) not been there for my son.
My new found joy in life is being there for my son. That's what I've made my life about and making that decision has, fulfilled, and made me so happy!
I feel like a failure right now - I knew these times (of feeling I'm doing it wrong) would come I just didn't think they'd make me feel this rubbish.
I'm feeling TREMENDOUSLY guilty - was my son asking me ALL week to not abandon him and I ignored his pleas?
Well Dr Phil would probably say: "Worse than doing it for a week and two days would be doing it for a week and three days!"
I have always believed that Luke, his dad and I should communicate to each other what's best for him.
But I got tired - REALLY TIRED and I couldn't rock him as much as he wanted me to - I couldn't hold him as much as he wanted me to.
My husband helped a lot. But on days I'd pass out from exhaustion and he would take over, he too would get tired of carrying Luke and eventually he'd plonk our boy next to me and I'd have to take over again. We got tired.
I feel as though I've let my little gem down.
Does he trust me still?
Does he trust that I will be there for him when he needs me? Or that when he cries out for help he will be heard?
Does he trust that if he needs me I will be there for him?
Or have I, in this week, taught him that he's on his own?
Has the coaching broken something in him that might never be fixed?
O mon petit prince!
And if we do go back to me holding him all the time and rocking him to sleep - what happens when it gets to the point (again!) where I feel incredible pain in every joint in my body that I feel compelled to try the coaching again before madness takes over?
This child is a part of me in a way that nothing else ever will be.
Oh Lula my son - what do we do now?
Links I've read on this:
How leaving your baby to cry can increase their stress levels - maybe for life: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html
The trauma your child suffers when left to "cry it out" http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009/12/just-let-her-cry.html
Candid account of how your baby feels when left alone to cry: http://parentingredefined.blogspot.com/2011/03/manipulation-or-communication.html
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
He's been sleeping really well - but today... it was almost as though all the coaching we did last week just flew out the window.
He's not sucking his fingers as he'd started doing successfully - today he cried a lot whenever I put him down. So much so that I couldn't put him down for long as I'd been able to do all week.
Today he wanted me close and appeared clingy.
I wondered if he was too hot - then too cold - then if his diaper was dirty - then if he was hungry - then if he had a temeprature - was he bored? - or did he just need me to hold him?
Since the coaching, he'd started to play so beautifully on his own - he'd also started sleeping so well on his own - what happened!
I've been told by relatives that Luke crying when I'm not holding him is manipulative and he needs to learn to not need to be held all the time.
At first I ignored this advice - and then came a time when I felt ill with fatigue.
Luke wanted to be held ALL the time.
If he was awake he wanted to be in my arms.
It got worse when being in my arms wasn't good enough for him anymore. He wanted me standing and rocking while I held him. Or I had to be walking around.
I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
Anyway so I thought maybe, just maybe, the women in my family had a point - I had to teach my son to not "need" being held all the time.
Last week when we started the coaching Luke was so mad at me he wouldn't look at me while feeding.
Usually when he's breastfeeding he doesn't take his eyes off me.
He looks at me.
So intense is that look it's as though he's decoding my DNA and picking out the bits he recognises as replicated in him. He looks at me as though he reads every bit of my soul, every concern, every joy, every worry, every dream, every ambition and that look says: "it's ok mommy". It's a wise look that seems to accpet the burden of being my light in places that were once overwhelmed with dark solitude. It's this deep look that says so many things that by the time he's finished feeding we've had an entire conversation - with our eyes. I miss that look.
Luke was miserable the day the coaching began - I'd expected he would be.
I'd also expected that his discomfort and unhappiness would go on beyond that day until he got the lesson.
I'd comforted myself with the idea that as soon as we got the sleep and play right he would forgive me and we'd all be the better for it.
When awake he would've learned that not being held all the time wouldn't kill him - he would be fine and then when the time came to sleep he would have learned to sleep on his own without needing to be fed or rocked to sleep.
If I'm completely honest: Luke has not been the cheerful, bubbly boy he always is.
And I really do believe that I, through the sleep coaching, have crushed my son.
During the coaching I haven't let him cry for long periods - I've been letting him cry a short while (no longer than 3-5 minutes) then I'd pick him up - comfort him, hold him tight and tell him I'm there but "Mommy's going to put you down again because you're fully capable of playing on your own."
His dad had thought the mobile gym would help because he believed Luke was probably crying because he was bored.
He likes the mobile gym but prefers it if we join him while he plays.
I've been playing a lot more music for him lately - he seems to be indifferent to it and only really lights up when I play with him and sing along while the music plays.
So something just doesn't feel right about the sleep coaching. I don't know if it's right or if I'm going about it the right way...
My research on the matter thus far has caused me to stumble upon a few blogs.
Usually I'd do some extensive research and compile a summary but today I'm far too overwhelmed to do this.
I'm gutted and I'm feeling very weepy that I've (for a whole week and two days!) not been there for my son.
My new found joy in life is being there for my son. That's what I've made my life about and making that decision has, fulfilled, and made me so happy!
I feel like a failure right now - I knew these times (of feeling I'm doing it wrong) would come I just didn't think they'd make me feel this rubbish.
I'm feeling TREMENDOUSLY guilty - was my son asking me ALL week to not abandon him and I ignored his pleas?
Well Dr Phil would probably say: "Worse than doing it for a week and two days would be doing it for a week and three days!"
I have always believed that Luke, his dad and I should communicate to each other what's best for him.
But I got tired - REALLY TIRED and I couldn't rock him as much as he wanted me to - I couldn't hold him as much as he wanted me to.
My husband helped a lot. But on days I'd pass out from exhaustion and he would take over, he too would get tired of carrying Luke and eventually he'd plonk our boy next to me and I'd have to take over again. We got tired.
I feel as though I've let my little gem down.
Does he trust me still?
Does he trust that I will be there for him when he needs me? Or that when he cries out for help he will be heard?
Does he trust that if he needs me I will be there for him?
Or have I, in this week, taught him that he's on his own?
Has the coaching broken something in him that might never be fixed?
O mon petit prince!
And if we do go back to me holding him all the time and rocking him to sleep - what happens when it gets to the point (again!) where I feel incredible pain in every joint in my body that I feel compelled to try the coaching again before madness takes over?
This child is a part of me in a way that nothing else ever will be.
Oh Lula my son - what do we do now?
Links I've read on this:
How leaving your baby to cry can increase their stress levels - maybe for life: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html
The trauma your child suffers when left to "cry it out" http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009/12/just-let-her-cry.html
Candid account of how your baby feels when left alone to cry: http://parentingredefined.blogspot.com/2011/03/manipulation-or-communication.html
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Monday, October 31, 2011
About Mommy24
Mommy24 is aimed at being an informative resource for moms, especially first time moms and moms with small children.
Taking care of my baby while he was inside me was a breeze compared to caring for him once he’d left my body.
During my pregnancy it was quite easy to find out information I needed concerning issues I wasn’t sure about.
As a first time mom Google became my best friend. It helped me find, just about, everything I needed to know, from why wearing heels was not such a great idea while pregnant to what foods were best for the little guy growing inside me. I also registered with babycentre.co.uk which proved to be a tremendous resource.
When my baby finally arrived, the regular emails I’d received from babycentre stopped. Google continued to provide some helpful information but it was a chore going through yards of different opinions and suggestions and know which to apply to my situations.
It was then I decided to start blogging about my experiences. And I’m loving it!
Ideally I'd love Mommy24 to be a platform where moms meet other moms and share experiences. Imagine this site as a place for us to meet and have "cyber coffee (or tea)" discussing both the interesting and sometimes seemingly mundane aspects of mommyhood.
We can chat about whatever matters to us from bragging about our kids to discussing entrepreneurship ideas.
So instead of scouring the net for information (or paying tons of money to get information from medical (and other) practitioners you might just find here for free) I thought it'd be great for us to ask each other what we needed to know.
I'm by NO MEANS SUGGESTING WE EXCLUDE HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS ALTOGEHER. Not at all.
But for instance, when my son Luke was born, I was told he should have regular paed visits - I wasn't told how long this was to go on for just that he needed regular check ups.
At almost R600 (almost $100 US) a visit my husband didn't think it was neccessary considering what the visits entailed.
I didn't agree with him but I decided that before I argued it'd be best to ask my fellow moms what they thought.
One of my friends told me that at first she'd been religious about the paed visits then realised that they really were quite pointless. She advised me to be pedantic about the vaccines but felt the pead visits every 5-6 weeks were unneccessary.
Our second paed visit, after the 6 week visit (which I still think is necessary,) was at three months. We went - and only because we needed documents signed by the doctor. She had been present at my son's birth and I needed her signature to apply for my maternity leave benefits. Just that visit to get the doccies signed would have cost us R350. So we decided she might as well examine our son for the recommended 3 month check-up.
She weighed him - checked his body strength - eye movement etc - then told us our son was fine - something we already knew but paid almost R600 to be told!
In short we've decided on paed visits only if Luke's sick. We find no reason to take a perfectly healthy child to the doctor. In fact the first time Luke went for his paed visit he caught a cold from the other sick babies that were there.
His nurse, who administers his vaccines, examines all the things the paeds did for 75 bucks! Plus he receives his vaccines!
Anyway it's these kinds of scenarios I'd love for us moms to discuss.
Again I'm not saying ignore professional advice but it's good to hear from other moms too.
Mommy24 includes some of the highlights of my pregnancy – my insane labour and some of the hurdles and joys of raising my son.
I’ve chosen to share my stories, some in candid detail, in the hope of starting open and honest discussion about the calling that has been placed on our lives as moms.
I have received many accolades, achieved some pretty impressive feats, attained some really cool academic qualifications but nothing I have EVER achieved beats being a mom.
In my mother tongue Bemba (from Zambia) and just about every other language I know of from my country, women and men are called by the names of their children, mostly the first born child. So my name changed when Luke was born. After his birth I became banaLuke, meaning Luke's mom.
I think this is because so few things define us more than the presence of our children. My son's existence has, and continues to, transform me.
This is not to say I as Hannah have ceased to exist. On the contrary. In fact nothing has inspired me to reach for higher levels than my son coming into my life. His presence dares me to do more.
Should you enjoy my blog and fall in love with its vision please feel free to join it and spread the word of its existence. Just click on the follow this blog icon on the right hand side right at the top of this page.
You're most welcome to send me pics and your own mommy stories you feel would enhance this site. They really can be about anything.
For more experienced moms please don't think you can't join us - in fact our community needs all of you who have travelled this road already to help us new arrivals.
It’s my hope that our numbers would grow and we would create a community of moms that would help us navigate through this spectacular part of our lives.
- Luke’s Mom
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Taking care of my baby while he was inside me was a breeze compared to caring for him once he’d left my body.
During my pregnancy it was quite easy to find out information I needed concerning issues I wasn’t sure about.
As a first time mom Google became my best friend. It helped me find, just about, everything I needed to know, from why wearing heels was not such a great idea while pregnant to what foods were best for the little guy growing inside me. I also registered with babycentre.co.uk which proved to be a tremendous resource.
When my baby finally arrived, the regular emails I’d received from babycentre stopped. Google continued to provide some helpful information but it was a chore going through yards of different opinions and suggestions and know which to apply to my situations.
It was then I decided to start blogging about my experiences. And I’m loving it!
Ideally I'd love Mommy24 to be a platform where moms meet other moms and share experiences. Imagine this site as a place for us to meet and have "cyber coffee (or tea)" discussing both the interesting and sometimes seemingly mundane aspects of mommyhood.
We can chat about whatever matters to us from bragging about our kids to discussing entrepreneurship ideas.
So instead of scouring the net for information (or paying tons of money to get information from medical (and other) practitioners you might just find here for free) I thought it'd be great for us to ask each other what we needed to know.
I'm by NO MEANS SUGGESTING WE EXCLUDE HEALTH CARE PROVIDERS ALTOGEHER. Not at all.
But for instance, when my son Luke was born, I was told he should have regular paed visits - I wasn't told how long this was to go on for just that he needed regular check ups.
At almost R600 (almost $100 US) a visit my husband didn't think it was neccessary considering what the visits entailed.
I didn't agree with him but I decided that before I argued it'd be best to ask my fellow moms what they thought.
One of my friends told me that at first she'd been religious about the paed visits then realised that they really were quite pointless. She advised me to be pedantic about the vaccines but felt the pead visits every 5-6 weeks were unneccessary.
Our second paed visit, after the 6 week visit (which I still think is necessary,) was at three months. We went - and only because we needed documents signed by the doctor. She had been present at my son's birth and I needed her signature to apply for my maternity leave benefits. Just that visit to get the doccies signed would have cost us R350. So we decided she might as well examine our son for the recommended 3 month check-up.
She weighed him - checked his body strength - eye movement etc - then told us our son was fine - something we already knew but paid almost R600 to be told!
In short we've decided on paed visits only if Luke's sick. We find no reason to take a perfectly healthy child to the doctor. In fact the first time Luke went for his paed visit he caught a cold from the other sick babies that were there.
His nurse, who administers his vaccines, examines all the things the paeds did for 75 bucks! Plus he receives his vaccines!
Anyway it's these kinds of scenarios I'd love for us moms to discuss.
Again I'm not saying ignore professional advice but it's good to hear from other moms too.
Mommy24 includes some of the highlights of my pregnancy – my insane labour and some of the hurdles and joys of raising my son.
I’ve chosen to share my stories, some in candid detail, in the hope of starting open and honest discussion about the calling that has been placed on our lives as moms.
I have received many accolades, achieved some pretty impressive feats, attained some really cool academic qualifications but nothing I have EVER achieved beats being a mom.
In my mother tongue Bemba (from Zambia) and just about every other language I know of from my country, women and men are called by the names of their children, mostly the first born child. So my name changed when Luke was born. After his birth I became banaLuke, meaning Luke's mom.
I think this is because so few things define us more than the presence of our children. My son's existence has, and continues to, transform me.
This is not to say I as Hannah have ceased to exist. On the contrary. In fact nothing has inspired me to reach for higher levels than my son coming into my life. His presence dares me to do more.
Should you enjoy my blog and fall in love with its vision please feel free to join it and spread the word of its existence. Just click on the follow this blog icon on the right hand side right at the top of this page.
You're most welcome to send me pics and your own mommy stories you feel would enhance this site. They really can be about anything.
For more experienced moms please don't think you can't join us - in fact our community needs all of you who have travelled this road already to help us new arrivals.
It’s my hope that our numbers would grow and we would create a community of moms that would help us navigate through this spectacular part of our lives.
- Luke’s Mom
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Bacteria Fighting Mom Banned From McDonald’s
Now this is the kind of action we need to take as moms!
A US mom is on a mission - the likes of which I really hope more of us moms would take.
It's reported that Erin (not Brokovich) Carr-Jordan’s crusade began after she allegedly discovered unsanitary conditions in an indoor play area at an Arizona McDonalds. She complained about it to the manager - came back a few days later and found NOTHING had changed.
According to Erin, “Many of these play places are in disgusting condition. I’ve seen rotting food, hair, stuff stuck to the wall, second-story windows broken.”
On her Kids Play Safe site, Erin says she visited various fast food restaurants across the US and found pathogens that can cause a host of serious health issues, including meningitis, sepsis, hair, scalp and skin infections, nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, gastrointestinal disease, food borne illness and more.
I found this story alarming but not surprising. Before and during my college years I waitressed in various restaurants and know how some of these places can be revolting.
According to media reports the mom has been banned from eight McDonald's but that hasn't stopped her.
She's travelling across the US amassing support as she goes.
If you’d like to support her plight you can sign her petition at http://kidsplaysafe.net/
The site includes video showing the filth she found.
If moms across the world stand together on issues like this we really can champion fantastic change for our kids.
For more detail on this story visit the ABC News website at this address: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/10/bacteria-fighting-mom-banned-from-mcdonalds/
References:
Kids Play Safe: http://kidsplaysafe.net/
ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/10/bacteria-fighting-mom-banned-from-mcdonalds/
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
A US mom is on a mission - the likes of which I really hope more of us moms would take.
It's reported that Erin (not Brokovich) Carr-Jordan’s crusade began after she allegedly discovered unsanitary conditions in an indoor play area at an Arizona McDonalds. She complained about it to the manager - came back a few days later and found NOTHING had changed.
According to Erin, “Many of these play places are in disgusting condition. I’ve seen rotting food, hair, stuff stuck to the wall, second-story windows broken.”
On her Kids Play Safe site, Erin says she visited various fast food restaurants across the US and found pathogens that can cause a host of serious health issues, including meningitis, sepsis, hair, scalp and skin infections, nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, gastrointestinal disease, food borne illness and more.
I found this story alarming but not surprising. Before and during my college years I waitressed in various restaurants and know how some of these places can be revolting.
According to media reports the mom has been banned from eight McDonald's but that hasn't stopped her.
She's travelling across the US amassing support as she goes.
If you’d like to support her plight you can sign her petition at http://kidsplaysafe.net/
The site includes video showing the filth she found.
If moms across the world stand together on issues like this we really can champion fantastic change for our kids.
For more detail on this story visit the ABC News website at this address: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/10/bacteria-fighting-mom-banned-from-mcdonalds/
References:
Kids Play Safe: http://kidsplaysafe.net/
ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/10/bacteria-fighting-mom-banned-from-mcdonalds/
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Sleep coaching Luke
It’s 10:46am and day three of sleep coaching Luke.
He’s been in his cot for about 15 minutes now – I can hear him sucking on his fingers.
I’m getting more accustomed to my child acquiring this horrifying habit.
A few minutes ago he made niggly sounds – ooops there are the sounds again – if it breaks out into all out crying I’ll soothe him.
There’s a way Luke cries when he’s really upset and another he uses when he’s absolutely fine but dislikes a situation– right now I hear the latter… he’s just stopped – the sucking has continued.
He’s MUCH happier this morning.
Earlier his dad played with him while I watched them through my groggy body.
I haven’t been doing night feeds as Luke’s sleeping through the night – but my body still feels like I got flung against a brick wall by an angry elephant.
Dealing with milk over-supply
My boobs leaked terribly on Monday night and by Tuesday morning they were massive, hard, a little sore and still leaking. But they were fine last night and this morning – talk about quick milk production adjustment.
My boobs rarely leak as I feed on demand. Being at home has made doing this easy. I haven’t suffered engorgement which I’ve heard is excruciating.
Allowing the dreaded habit
Well my son is sucking away beautifully – Oh dear God did I just say that!
Anyway he’s calm – no need for intervention. I can go back to – oh there he goes again – okay all’s well he’s stopped again.
It’s 10:59, apart from the occasional suck sound, he’s very quiet.
I just went to him to check if he’s okay – it seems he’s finally getting the sucking right. He looks really sleepy I’m sure he’ll be out in a few minutes.
And the wait continues...
It's now 12:23.
Luke didn't go to sleep as I'd expected.
I just fed him and he dozed off at my boob. Well half asleep. I tucked him into his cot and he's fast asleep now.
Before that we played a little with his mobile gym - his dad got it for him just this morning.
He loved the musical part of the gym a lot.
After a while he got niggly so I lay next to him and fed him because it's been a while since his last feed.
Anyway he's sleeping now and I'm really doubting whether I want to continue with this sleep coaching business.
Finally...
8:26 pm - Luke slept about half an hour ago - on his own.
What a tiring day.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Ok so I’m not such a great mom without sleep!
I don't feel like a house fell on me anymore.
It’s day two of sleep coaching Luke and I feel rested.
It’s been going well so far but I miss my son. I’m so accustomed to carrying him everywhere. Yesterday I started training him to not need me to carry him around every moment he’s awake.
I think he’s a little upset with me for this. He hasn’t been smiling as much – and he’s not looking at me as much as he usually does when breastfeeding.
I don’t know if sleep coaching or teaching him to self-soothe is worth him being so seemingly unhappy.
I keep telling myself it’s only for the short term and I keep reminding myself of how exhausted I was Sunday because he bawled every time he was alone for no longer than three minutes.
I tried sleep coaching in the early days but I couldn’t bear my son being so unhappy. And he was so small I didn’t think it was worth it to put him through such distress.
Day one of sleep coaching this time round was a tad easier on me. He cried some but I would go to him to show him I was still there – sometimes I’d pick him up and just hold him till he stopped crying and had calmed then I'd put him back down.
Today he cried once when left alone. But it was the last stretch of the day so I carried him because I didn’t want him upset before bed. This SUCKS!
The main reason I’m sleep-coaching now is: I’ve been exhausted. So exhausted I’ve been worried it could hamper my ability to care for him properly. I know it's an excuse but there it is.
Kudos to moms who rough it out.
Luke’s such a wonderful child. Other than wanting to be carried all the time (which is my fault) he’s really REALLY easy.
Some of the literature I’ve read suggests that self-soothing allows a child the opportunity to learn how to deal with their emotional states without external input.
All this made sense two days ago when I felt my sanity slipping away from me due to lack of sleep. I pretty much tore the house apart looking for books and mags I'd read concerning this - just so I could hush my baby and get some damn sleep!
But now two days later, while I feel rested, I’m unsure if coddling my son was such a bad thing after all.
I do feel guilty. I’m the reason he’s here. I wanted him and I should be able to handle it –truth be told though I haven’t been doing too well without sleep.
So far, after only two days, he’s managed to sleep on his own (both day and night). This was something he did on occasion before the sleep coaching began but most times he needed to be rocked to sleep.
Since the coaching he’s not as fussy when left alone to play. I’ve been able to get a whole lot more done with two free arms. But like I said I miss my son.
Anyway I’ll see how it turns out tomorrow.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Why isn't there outrage over smoking pregnant women?!
And no it’s not a photo shopped pic people!
Of course the image is so shocking that my first thought was that it had been photo shopped.
After some research I found that the story had first been covered by American news station CBS.
The same sickening, panicky feeling I get when I look at this pic is pretty much the same convulsion I go through each time I see smoking pregnant woman.
So how come pregnant smoking women don’t also “spark international outcry”?
My view is that it’s because few voices speak out as loud for unborn babies as they should.
In my mind there is NO difference between a two year old smoking and an unborn infant smoking via his smoking mom.
Even health care providers tread softly
When my husband and I attended pre-natal classes we experienced a massive paradigm shift regarding how we wanted to deliver our baby.
So convincing was the presentation that my husband (who had before the classes been quite upset with me for even considering having our baby outside a hospital) was utterly keen to have our baby at home. And with no drugs!
We’d initially discussed pain management for labour with our gynae. I had wanted the full cocktail whatever it was!
After the pre-natal classes I didn’t even want the mention of drugs during labour – but that story for another blog.
Anyway… I’ve heard of women, who were set on having c-sections, completely opt for natural child birth after attending the pre-classes we’d attended.
Yet not much was said on the DANGERS of smoking while pregnant in those classes.
The topic was merely skimmed over.
Looking back now I find that quite strange.
My view is that the effects of a c-section or the use of painkillers such as Pethidine or epidurals during labour are FAR less problematic than a woman smoking while pregnant!
For the full story on Ali’s habit see the referenced link at the end.
Aldi’s parents, especially his mom, received TONS of criticism from the world. How come then smoking pregnant women don’t receive the same tongue lashing?
Furthermore...
Why are too few people speaking out for the unborn child?
Is their life surely that less precious or valuable?
I almost lost my baby in the first trimester. It was undoubtedly one of the worst experiences of my life.
For me, and I would believe every mom (including smoking moms), my baby at a mere three months as a foetus was the most precious being in my life.
I would hope that if I were doing something to hurt my baby even then someone would have spoken out for him.
So please if you’re a smoking mom – keep reading – I really wrote this for you in the hope that you would find the help you need for the health of you and baby.
I’m an ex-smoker.
Most times I’m very wary of saying that because while I haven’t smoked for years there are times I miss it.
Anyway I’m breastfeeding so it’s not a thought I entertain.
I quit because I came to the point where smoking felt wrong.
All smokers know it’s detrimental for their health. I was no different.
I knew I was destroying my body but on so many levels didn’t really care.
Then came the time when I couldn’t ignore the deep conviction every time I lit up. Eventually I couldn’t do it anymore.
It’s not your baby’s choice…
How frustrating is it to deal with massive problems that result from someone else’s choices?
My husband LOVED smoking. He hasn’t smoked in almost twenty years.
He stopped after a close brush with death following a horrifying asthma attack.
As much as he LOVED smoking he preferred to live.
It’s taken me a couple of days to write this blog because my first draft on the subject came from a place of anger.
Anger because I was going through issues with my parents which I’ve been dealing with for years.
I was mad at them for what I felt were selfish decisions they were making and yet were hugely impacting the lives of, us, their children. So my first draft of this blog started with: It’s selfish.
And then I just let rip.
I could feel my insides boil as the pictures I’ve seen of pregnant women smoking flew through my mind one after the other.
After I was done writing I thought I’d feel good about telling it like I saw it. Instead I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach. I had no peace about what I’d written.
I could feel, Father, reminding me that it was His gentle kindness that has so often helped me. I couldn’t continue with my scathing attack after that.
I then decided to write as a fellow mom and not the wounded child who was mad at her parents.
So I’m giving it another go – this time, I hope, with a more lucid mind.
My attempt at a lucid entry
At the end of this entry I’ve provided an excerpt from Allen Carr’s Easyway To Stop Smoking. Family members who recently quit smoking swear by this book.
I’ve asked them to comment on this blog so they can give their own account.
So here’s my thought in a nutshell – deciding to not stop smoking while pregnant is selfish.
My husband quit because smoking could have killed him.
Smoking can kill an unborn child – so if it were up to them what would they prefer?
If that child in mommy’s tummy had the choice I’m certain they would prefer to not suffer a potential litany of diseases they may have to battle all their lives because mom smoked.
Imagine your baby’s beautiful, pink, healthy lungs being contaminated before they even take their first breath.
Each puff mom takes blackens those delicate lungs.
Anyway I get a strong sense that nothing I say can make a smoker, pregnant or not quit.
So I can only ask you consider one thing for the sake of your baby – take a look at Allen Carr’s website.
The moment of truth
Women who smoke while pregnant are 50% to 70% more likely than nonsmokers to give birth to a baby with a cleft lip or palate. That’s according to Medscape Medical News*.
Other research published on naturalnews.com* shows that “First trimester smoking was clearly associated with risk of cleft lip.”
Furthermore, “The researchers found that smoking more than 10 cigarettes per day during the first trimester of pregnancy increased the risk of giving birth to a child with cleft lip by nearly 100 percent. Even nonsmokers who spent at least two hours per day in the company of smokers had a 60 percent chance of having children with cleft lips.”
This reminds me of a Moment of Truth episode with a contestant who’d been born with a cleft lip. His mother had smoked during her pregnancy with him.
There he was a grown man and yet he still blamed his mother for the trauma, including the surgeries, he’d had to endure.
For motivation
The benefits of not smoking while pregnant are beautiful. By not smoking you give your child so much more of a chance to be happy and healthy.
It could also save you much stress and heartache that could stem from some of the complications you and/or your baby will have to deal with.
Babycentre.com has a stunning article on the effects of smoking while pregnant on mom and baby. I’ve provided the link below.
In the article oby-gyn Robert Welch is reported to have said, “Smoking cigarettes is probably the No. 1 cause of adverse outcomes for babies.”
This doctor says even pregnant women with serious diseases such as diabetes or high blood pressure have a much better chance of a delivering a healthier baby as opposed to pregnant women who smoke.
“I can control those conditions with medications,” Welch says. But when a pregnant woman smokes, nothing can protect her baby from danger.”
Would you light up a cigarette for your four year old?
According to babycentre.com cigarette smoke contains more than 4,000 chemicals, including cyanide, lead, and at least 60 cancer-causing compounds.
When you smoke during pregnancy, those toxins gets into your bloodstream which is your baby’s only source of oxygen and nutrients.
In essence when you take a puff – so does baby.
Please read babycentres’ article in full. It’s worth it.
Also the dangers are not only to your unborn child. You too are at risk.
According to Dr Sears* smoking could account for ten percent of infertility problems in mothers
It also:
- Increases risk of ectopic pregnancy*
- Increases risk of placenta previa* (which could lead to a mom’s death)
- Increases risk of premature separation of the placenta
Dr Sears’ article gives good detail on how smoking severely affects a child’s mental and physical development.
I’ve provided a link below to his site referring to this particular subject.
What you could save your baby from
I think a mom shouldn’t smoke period. Second hand smoke is just as detrimental.
But we’re talking about smoking pregnant women so I thought it best to give you a short breakdown of some of the most serious complications: Some reports say that even a light smoker still poses tremendous risk.
Your baby could:
- Die before their born
- Be at immensely increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome
- Be premature
- Have a cleft lip or palate
- Be underdeveloped. This mean their lungs will be underdeveloped when born forcing them on a respirator in the first few days of their life. How miserable is that! This time could be better spent bonding with mommy.
- Suffer heart defects
- Battle with lifelong respiratory problems such as asthma
- Have learning disorders
- Display behavioural problems
Also smoking compromises breast milk. This too opens the child up to potential health problems. I go into detail on this in the entry regarding breastfeeding.
Now that I’m older
My best friend once told me that children don’t stay children forever.
I know it sounds extremely obvious but now I see what he meant.
The issues I’m having with my parents at thirty are the same issues that were there when I was a kid. But back then though some issues I didn’t recognize as problems and others I knew were problems but didn’t know how to address.
I’m an adult now and I can address those issues.
And while I love my parents I am extremely resentful of some of the things we had to go through as children; especially the things that continue to affect us now.
Your children will not be children forever.
While I cannot divulge what my parents and I have been fighting over I can say that what really hurts me and causes so much anger is that my parents refuse to see how their actions are destroying us.
If they were willing to work through issues we’ve raised with them I could live with that. After all I’m not perfect either. But for them to continue as they are regardless of how it’s wounding us – that’s a tough one to forgive.
Acknowledgements
Tracey for telling me about Allen Carr. Thank you for sharing the joy of your new found freedom from smoking!
Father, while working on this entry, thank You for reminding me about Your kindness. Thank You for not condemning me even when I deserve it.
Excerpt from Allen Carr’s website:
All smokers know that smoking is unhealthy, expensive, and anti-social. So what keeps them smoking even if they would rather stop?
The answer is FEAR. Fear that they will:
◦Be unable to enjoy life and cope with stress
◦Be unable to relax and to concentrate
◦Be unable to enjoy social occasions
◦Have to go through some terrible period of trauma to get free
◦Always be miserable without cigarettes and that the craving will never go
All these fears arise out of the very powerful illusions associated with smoking and nicotine addiction. Illusions like smoking helps smokers to relax and concentrate, smoking helps to relieve their stress and boredom.
The Allen Carr Method works by logically and scientifically destroying these illusions by educating the smoker about the true facts about how the smoking trap works. As soon as a smoker understands and believes that actually they will enjoy life more, concentrate better, be more relaxed, be better able to handle stress and that the craving will go completely, the fear of stopping disappears. When they subsequently realise that actually they are giving up absolutely nothing, it requires no willpower not to smoke. The method also allows the smoker to realise that provided they understand completely how nicotine withdrawal works and they follow a few simple instructions, that they will find it easy to manage and can actually enjoy the whole process.
For more on this visit http://www.allencarr.co.za/method.html
References:
*Mail Online: Still puffing away: Six weeks on, the smoking toddler has not quit and his parents say he may never kick the habit: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1291421/Smoking-toddler-Indonesian-boy-Aldi-Suganda-quit-cigarettes.html
*Medscape medical news article: Smoking During Pregnancy Found to Increase Risk of Cleft Lip and Palate: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/411814
*Naturalnews.com article: Smoking During Pregnancy Increases Risk of Cleft Lip in Infants: http://www.naturalnews.com/025068_risk_smoking_pregnancy.html
*Baby Centre article: How smoking during pregnancy affects you and your baby: http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-smoking-during-pregnancy-affects-you-and-your-baby_1405720.bc
*Dr Sears’ article from askdrsears.com: How smoking harms babies n the womb: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-development/how-smoking-harms-babies/how-smoking-harms-babies-womb
*Ectopic pregnancy: An ectopic pregnancy is an abnormal pregnancy that occurs outside the womb (uterus). The baby (fetus) cannot survive, and often does not develop at all in this type of pregnancy: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001897/
* Placenta Previa – for a more on what this is and the risks associated with it you’re welcome to visit: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001902/
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Being a mom is NOT the hardest job in the world!
It really isn't.
I just had my first child.
In fact I'm so new to motherhood that my fanny still knows all about the excruciating agony of labour!
This truly is an amazing time though.
The best moments of each day are those spent with my son, Luke. Whether it’s watching him make the most incredible facial expressions in his sleep – or coaxing the adorable sounds he’s recently started making…
The not so fantastic part has had to do mostly with my recovery after labour.
It’s also been sometimes daunting not knowing exactly what to do with this whole new person in my life.
So while I’m still very new to motherhood, here’s what I know so far: Babies, well at least mine, are not difficult.
It is tiring taking care of a new born. I don’t think it gets much less tiring as they grow older. Their needs may change but their demand on time remains the same for quite a while.
I know this because my youngest brother (my mom had him at 44) is 7 and is almost as demanding (if not more now) as he was the first time he came to live with us when he was 2.
Coping without the fanfare
Back to difficulty – I REALLY was nervous before my baby came.
It’s tradition in my culture that when a baby is born one’s mother and/or grandmother live with them for at least the first month after baby is born.
I had also been strongly advised to get myself full time help.
By the time my baby was born – I didn’t have a live in gran, mom or helper but I managed fine.
My mom lives close by so for the first week she came over for about an hour or two every morning to help me – but for the most part I managed on my own.
My husband, Rico, was awesome in those first few weeks (still is), especially when Luke was up almost every two hours. There were times it was hard getting up one more time. My husband would step in – he would even change diapers if needed (he still does). Yay Rico!
I don’t take too kindly to dads who refuse to change diapers. My attitude toward the: Dude there was a time when someone wiped your ass! And that time may come again!
The power of boob
With all of man’s inventions nothing but absolutely NOTHING beats breast milk.
I love breastfeeding and so does Luke.
I am so proud of my son’s fat thighs – too adorable! And it’s thanks to the power of the boob.
Much to the chagrin of my mother Luke is exclusively on breast milk.
I love it because: it’s something only I can give him, it’s a wonderful time for us to adore each other, I can see all the amazing benefits for him, I don’t have to hassle with shopping for formula or sampling various ones till I find what’s right for him – I don’t have to make the breast milk or worry about getting it just the right temperature before feeding – then sterilizing everything for the next feed – PHEW! I’m exhausted just talking about it!
Breastfeeding advice from midwives at my baby shower coupled with pre-natal classes has much to do with my confidence in this area. Minutes after my son was born he was breastfeeding and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
Did I mention that I agree - being a mom is NOT the hardest job in the world?
I don’t agree with the school of thought that says motherhood is the hardest job in the world.
Some comedian made fun of this notion. He asked whether stay-at-home moms were running through hot terrains being shot at by enemy fire (like the armed forces in war zones were)? He mentioned crab fishermen in the Bering Sea – his act really was funny.
What was even funnier was that I could imagine some mom somewhere in the world huffing and puffing and while foaming at the mouth thinking: “Typical man – what does he know about ALL the work that goes into being a stay-at-home mom!”
Oh get over it lady! It’s NOT the hardest job!
I mean how many other jobs get you to smile from every cell of you body till it radiates through your belly and rings out in laughter?
How many jobs give you so many hugs and kisses?
What else, pray tell, brings out the tenderest part of you?
What else motivates you to reach levels within yourself you never thought even existed?
Oh I could go on… but won’t.
Treat thy child as….
All in all I treat my son as I would want to be treated.
I speak with him.
I make an effort to show him I'm listening when he speaks even though it's babble right now...
In everything I do with and for him I'm constantly mindful that he is a whole person. He may be small but he is a man in the making.
From womb to world
At first I was pedantic about feeding times.
I would wake Luke every 2-3 hours for his feeds – while I think this was important for him in those first few weeks of his life, he's three months now and I don’t do that anymore.
I would not appreciate someone waking me up on their clock when it’s my tummy.
So now I feed my son when he wants to feed. As long as I know he's ok I let him sleep for as long as he needs to and feed him when he’s awake.
If he wants to feed a mere hour or less since his last feed – I let him.
I have been following this way of feeding and my baby is super healthy and very happy.
His weigh-ins show that his weight is above average and it is with total pride that I can report that I have been congratulated on this by all his health care providers.
I must say though that in those first few weeks after my son's birth he slept in our bed. So whenever he was up he would latch onto my boob.
I recommend this because, the way I see it, baby has been with mom every single moment during his entire life before birth. Changing that immediately after birth would be far too drastic and traumatic.
Being close to mom at all times in those first few weeks is vital for baby.
I believe that any kind of coaching or training in those first few weeks is far too soon.
For two weeks after his birth Luke was so unhappy. I think it was the transition that was uncomfortable for him.
He cried a lot. To top it all it was the coldest winter I had ever experienced so I could imagine what a shock it was to his system.
While I can attest to how gruelling those first few weeks were - I'm so glad my husband and I roughed it out.
Coming into the world cannot be an easy transition.
Baby comes from having all needs met all the time to being bombarded to sensations and feelings he's never experienced with no articulate way to communicate what he's going through.
To start any kind of coaching at this time, I feel, is really unfair.
I cannot say this better than Irene Bourquin*:
"'Routine specialists' (although no such qualification exists) have sprung up, undermining mothers' gut instincts, turning vulnerable babies into programmed robots.
Your baby does not come with a time sheet, job card or watch. Their needs should be met immediately so they can learn to trust this new world they have entered. They are not 'spoilt', they are loved, for human beings cannot get too much love."
You only get once…
I make an effort to note what my child likes and doesn’t like. I think that’s why the first few weeks and months of baby’s birth are so vital. For me it’s been about knowing Luke and allowing him to know me.
Gradually as Luke grows we're beginning to explore certain coaching methods. Knowing him and being able to effectively read his signals helps.
In the first month of his life my son and I were cocooned in bed together. I went out only for the most vital of doctors’ appointments. Otherwise, being with my son, inhaling his scent every chance I got – watching his many expressions each day… nothing outside of that was as important to me.
I look back on that first month and how much bigger he is now, a mere two months later, and I’m so glad I took every opportunity to enjoy him then.
My baby's growing moments can never be duplicated and I can never have them over.
YOU DO KNOW BEST!
I love information on baby care. For me though it’s just that – information. It is not a directive on what I should or should not do with my child.
I have received a lot of advice when it comes to raising my child. One new mom told me this would happen. She then advised me to treat my son as an individual and do what I thought was best for him by not blindly following everyone else’s advice.
Thank you for this Lauren. It’s been valuable. You’ll be pleased to know that I’m learning to listen to my child and my gut.
This is not to say I shut out everything from everyone or source and just do it my way. I'm new to motherhood and I'm not so arrogant as to think three months of being a mom is experience enough to depend solely on my gut.
I'm learning a lot from people who've spent years studying children and can safely be called experts - and of course other moms. I'm cautious though about what advice I take, what I shelve for later and what I trash instantly.
I can say that so far in some cases it has been trial and error.
I keep telling and showing my son I love him. My mistakes don't mean I don't.
I'm learning to forgive myself for the times I don't get it right.
I think Luke forgives me with much more ease than I do myself.
Essentially there really is an insanely deep connection between mother and child.
I believe that when mom drowns herself in what everyone else is saying, no matter how well meaning, she disconnects from the most important channels of vital information: her child and herself.
For instance…
Our son sleeps in a cot next to our bed.
I read that children are noisy sleepers which I have found to sometimes be true with my son. So just to get some sleep, there are nights, I camp out on the couch.
Most nights I wake to what I can only describe as a tug at my boobs followed by a stream of breast milk – more often than not – I’ll go back to our room and find my son up and ready for a feed. Who needs a clock!
So my point is…
I have a happy child. I wanted to be a mom and I’ve been granted that. Yay God!
Most of my days are spent holding my baby, looking at him and drinking in every ounce of beauty that is him.
I may be doing it all wrong – but the joy of my son and the joy in my heart tell me I must be doing something right.
I’m bound to make mistakes – I’ve a whole list I’ve made with Luke already.
I do feel bad about them and it’s hard to “just” get over them because I want to do what’s best for him always. But I’m learning to go easy on myself. I’m building an archive of experience that helps me do better as him and I grow together.
I put it down to bad press the notion that babies are difficult. At worst they’re tiring.
I think what is difficult and can make mommyhood really hard is trying to follow every bit of advice offered. Even worse still is trying to live up to other people’s expectations or my own unrealistic ones – and that’s why I’m not even trying to.
References:
Your first week at home from Mom and Me magazine: written by Irene Bourquin, a certified childbirth and postnatal educator. She's also an author and doula.
Recommended Books:
Baby Sense by Megan Faure and Ann Richardson.
This book really helped especially for those first few weeks of Luke's arrival.
Even now I still consult it from time to time.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
I just had my first child.
In fact I'm so new to motherhood that my fanny still knows all about the excruciating agony of labour!
This truly is an amazing time though.
The best moments of each day are those spent with my son, Luke. Whether it’s watching him make the most incredible facial expressions in his sleep – or coaxing the adorable sounds he’s recently started making…
The not so fantastic part has had to do mostly with my recovery after labour.
It’s also been sometimes daunting not knowing exactly what to do with this whole new person in my life.
So while I’m still very new to motherhood, here’s what I know so far: Babies, well at least mine, are not difficult.
It is tiring taking care of a new born. I don’t think it gets much less tiring as they grow older. Their needs may change but their demand on time remains the same for quite a while.
I know this because my youngest brother (my mom had him at 44) is 7 and is almost as demanding (if not more now) as he was the first time he came to live with us when he was 2.
Coping without the fanfare
Back to difficulty – I REALLY was nervous before my baby came.
It’s tradition in my culture that when a baby is born one’s mother and/or grandmother live with them for at least the first month after baby is born.
I had also been strongly advised to get myself full time help.
By the time my baby was born – I didn’t have a live in gran, mom or helper but I managed fine.
My mom lives close by so for the first week she came over for about an hour or two every morning to help me – but for the most part I managed on my own.
My husband, Rico, was awesome in those first few weeks (still is), especially when Luke was up almost every two hours. There were times it was hard getting up one more time. My husband would step in – he would even change diapers if needed (he still does). Yay Rico!
I don’t take too kindly to dads who refuse to change diapers. My attitude toward the: Dude there was a time when someone wiped your ass! And that time may come again!
The power of boob
With all of man’s inventions nothing but absolutely NOTHING beats breast milk.
I love breastfeeding and so does Luke.
I am so proud of my son’s fat thighs – too adorable! And it’s thanks to the power of the boob.
Much to the chagrin of my mother Luke is exclusively on breast milk.
I love it because: it’s something only I can give him, it’s a wonderful time for us to adore each other, I can see all the amazing benefits for him, I don’t have to hassle with shopping for formula or sampling various ones till I find what’s right for him – I don’t have to make the breast milk or worry about getting it just the right temperature before feeding – then sterilizing everything for the next feed – PHEW! I’m exhausted just talking about it!
Breastfeeding advice from midwives at my baby shower coupled with pre-natal classes has much to do with my confidence in this area. Minutes after my son was born he was breastfeeding and it’s been smooth sailing ever since.
Did I mention that I agree - being a mom is NOT the hardest job in the world?
I don’t agree with the school of thought that says motherhood is the hardest job in the world.
Some comedian made fun of this notion. He asked whether stay-at-home moms were running through hot terrains being shot at by enemy fire (like the armed forces in war zones were)? He mentioned crab fishermen in the Bering Sea – his act really was funny.
What was even funnier was that I could imagine some mom somewhere in the world huffing and puffing and while foaming at the mouth thinking: “Typical man – what does he know about ALL the work that goes into being a stay-at-home mom!”
Oh get over it lady! It’s NOT the hardest job!
I mean how many other jobs get you to smile from every cell of you body till it radiates through your belly and rings out in laughter?
How many jobs give you so many hugs and kisses?
What else, pray tell, brings out the tenderest part of you?
What else motivates you to reach levels within yourself you never thought even existed?
Oh I could go on… but won’t.
Treat thy child as….
All in all I treat my son as I would want to be treated.
I speak with him.
I make an effort to show him I'm listening when he speaks even though it's babble right now...
In everything I do with and for him I'm constantly mindful that he is a whole person. He may be small but he is a man in the making.
From womb to world
At first I was pedantic about feeding times.
I would wake Luke every 2-3 hours for his feeds – while I think this was important for him in those first few weeks of his life, he's three months now and I don’t do that anymore.
I would not appreciate someone waking me up on their clock when it’s my tummy.
So now I feed my son when he wants to feed. As long as I know he's ok I let him sleep for as long as he needs to and feed him when he’s awake.
If he wants to feed a mere hour or less since his last feed – I let him.
I have been following this way of feeding and my baby is super healthy and very happy.
His weigh-ins show that his weight is above average and it is with total pride that I can report that I have been congratulated on this by all his health care providers.
I must say though that in those first few weeks after my son's birth he slept in our bed. So whenever he was up he would latch onto my boob.
I recommend this because, the way I see it, baby has been with mom every single moment during his entire life before birth. Changing that immediately after birth would be far too drastic and traumatic.
Being close to mom at all times in those first few weeks is vital for baby.
I believe that any kind of coaching or training in those first few weeks is far too soon.
For two weeks after his birth Luke was so unhappy. I think it was the transition that was uncomfortable for him.
He cried a lot. To top it all it was the coldest winter I had ever experienced so I could imagine what a shock it was to his system.
While I can attest to how gruelling those first few weeks were - I'm so glad my husband and I roughed it out.
Coming into the world cannot be an easy transition.
Baby comes from having all needs met all the time to being bombarded to sensations and feelings he's never experienced with no articulate way to communicate what he's going through.
To start any kind of coaching at this time, I feel, is really unfair.
I cannot say this better than Irene Bourquin*:
"'Routine specialists' (although no such qualification exists) have sprung up, undermining mothers' gut instincts, turning vulnerable babies into programmed robots.
Your baby does not come with a time sheet, job card or watch. Their needs should be met immediately so they can learn to trust this new world they have entered. They are not 'spoilt', they are loved, for human beings cannot get too much love."
You only get once…
I make an effort to note what my child likes and doesn’t like. I think that’s why the first few weeks and months of baby’s birth are so vital. For me it’s been about knowing Luke and allowing him to know me.
Gradually as Luke grows we're beginning to explore certain coaching methods. Knowing him and being able to effectively read his signals helps.
In the first month of his life my son and I were cocooned in bed together. I went out only for the most vital of doctors’ appointments. Otherwise, being with my son, inhaling his scent every chance I got – watching his many expressions each day… nothing outside of that was as important to me.
I look back on that first month and how much bigger he is now, a mere two months later, and I’m so glad I took every opportunity to enjoy him then.
My baby's growing moments can never be duplicated and I can never have them over.
YOU DO KNOW BEST!
I love information on baby care. For me though it’s just that – information. It is not a directive on what I should or should not do with my child.
I have received a lot of advice when it comes to raising my child. One new mom told me this would happen. She then advised me to treat my son as an individual and do what I thought was best for him by not blindly following everyone else’s advice.
Thank you for this Lauren. It’s been valuable. You’ll be pleased to know that I’m learning to listen to my child and my gut.
This is not to say I shut out everything from everyone or source and just do it my way. I'm new to motherhood and I'm not so arrogant as to think three months of being a mom is experience enough to depend solely on my gut.
I'm learning a lot from people who've spent years studying children and can safely be called experts - and of course other moms. I'm cautious though about what advice I take, what I shelve for later and what I trash instantly.
I can say that so far in some cases it has been trial and error.
I keep telling and showing my son I love him. My mistakes don't mean I don't.
I'm learning to forgive myself for the times I don't get it right.
I think Luke forgives me with much more ease than I do myself.
Essentially there really is an insanely deep connection between mother and child.
I believe that when mom drowns herself in what everyone else is saying, no matter how well meaning, she disconnects from the most important channels of vital information: her child and herself.
For instance…
Our son sleeps in a cot next to our bed.
I read that children are noisy sleepers which I have found to sometimes be true with my son. So just to get some sleep, there are nights, I camp out on the couch.
Most nights I wake to what I can only describe as a tug at my boobs followed by a stream of breast milk – more often than not – I’ll go back to our room and find my son up and ready for a feed. Who needs a clock!
So my point is…
I have a happy child. I wanted to be a mom and I’ve been granted that. Yay God!
Most of my days are spent holding my baby, looking at him and drinking in every ounce of beauty that is him.
I may be doing it all wrong – but the joy of my son and the joy in my heart tell me I must be doing something right.
I’m bound to make mistakes – I’ve a whole list I’ve made with Luke already.
I do feel bad about them and it’s hard to “just” get over them because I want to do what’s best for him always. But I’m learning to go easy on myself. I’m building an archive of experience that helps me do better as him and I grow together.
I put it down to bad press the notion that babies are difficult. At worst they’re tiring.
I think what is difficult and can make mommyhood really hard is trying to follow every bit of advice offered. Even worse still is trying to live up to other people’s expectations or my own unrealistic ones – and that’s why I’m not even trying to.
References:
Your first week at home from Mom and Me magazine: written by Irene Bourquin, a certified childbirth and postnatal educator. She's also an author and doula.
Recommended Books:
Baby Sense by Megan Faure and Ann Richardson.
This book really helped especially for those first few weeks of Luke's arrival.
Even now I still consult it from time to time.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
The first born child
Ah your first child! – nothing is sweeter.
In her book, The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver talks about the special place in a mother’s heart for her last born child.
The Last Born (An excerpt from the Poisonwood Bible)
A mother's body remembers her babies... the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul.
It's the last one though that overtakes you. I can't dare say I loved the others less; together they were my first issue. I took one deep breath for every step they took away from me.
That's how it is with the firstborn, no matter what kind of mother you are... rich, poor, frazzled half to death or sweetly content. A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world.
But the last one; the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after... oh, that's love by a different name.
She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she's gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away.
So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent of moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She's the one you can't put down.
- Excerpt End
And so it is with my first child – he is my best foot forward.
Being a first time mom- I cannot say how I’ll feel about my last born child – for now I’ll have to take Barbara's word as truth.
But what I can speak to is the remarkableness of carrying the first child.
This one makes you a mom.
The day I found out I was pregnant was my re-birth.
I felt I was being born again into something so spectacular – no language has yet created the word to describe it.
I felt almost invincible and yet so humbled at the same time.
Humbled that I could be chosen and entrusted to raise this particular child.
Invincible because the world felt big and I felt big in it.
The first time I saw his heart beat on the sonar – I wept.
There was life growing inside me – an entire heartbeat was throbbing in my belly!
He was hardly the size of my pinkie the first time I saw him and yet already he had consumed my very existence - I knew then my life was forever changed.
When I sit in the bath, I call his name and there’s isn’t a sweeter word I know.
Now that he’s at that stage where he’s moving as though he’s building a castle in me – I know the time is close when I have to let him go.
Each movement is sweet sorrow – on one hand he’s telling me he’s fine and that fills me with such joy and yet on the other hand with each movement I know he’s growth brings closer the time I must let him go to be his own man.
No time has flown like these months I have carried him. And so time has being re-explained to me through his life. The fleeting time of this stage of our lives has made me truly aware of the briefness of the phase we call life on this earth.
Sometimes when I see children I wonder what my boy will look like – beautiful I know – but what will be the detail of his being?
In my mind I can see his little fingers reaching for my face – his lips pursing and feeling the new air – and I wish him joy. I wish him fullness and a life powered by purpose.
And I pray for him – I pray that he would find his path and always follow the Light Who is Pure and True.
My first child – my pride – he may always see me as the woman who gave him life- but it is he who has renewed my time on this earth.
And I have known of God’s existence from as far back as I can remember – but I look at my massive belly now – and now I know the meaning of divine. With the life of my child – I know the life of God is greater than anything I ever imagined.
Nothing in my life has taught me to let go like the arrival of my baby.
There are so many things in life we try so hard to control knowing full well our efforts are futile and yet we keep trying anyway.
For nine months I kept stretch marks at bay – in the final leg of my pregnancy I saw visible scars trailing crossing my belly.
For days I was distraught – knowing full well the scars that had been cast upon me would forever mark my body and this journey my boy and I had been on.
I wanted to weep – I wanted to scream – and for days I mourned the loss of my once perfectly complexioned belly. I felt the youth of life fall from me like a mighty queen from grace.
After perhaps the 987th time of looking at the scars under every possible light and angle – I accepted that my body was forever changed. And more than that – I prepared my broken heart for more changes that would not be pleasant. Finally, I buried the image of the me I once thought would last forever.
And therein came the freedom that had eluded me when I first saw the stretch marks.
Carrying my little guy has taught me yet another lesson – there is such freedom in letting go.
Carrying him in my belly has taught me so much – I can only imagine how much his life will teach me once he’s finally out here.
My boy – my child – my first born – you truly are love by a different name.
P.S. May the gift never be greater than the Giver.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
In her book, The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver talks about the special place in a mother’s heart for her last born child.
The Last Born (An excerpt from the Poisonwood Bible)
A mother's body remembers her babies... the folds of soft flesh, the softly furred scalp against her nose. Each child has its own entreaties to body and soul.
It's the last one though that overtakes you. I can't dare say I loved the others less; together they were my first issue. I took one deep breath for every step they took away from me.
That's how it is with the firstborn, no matter what kind of mother you are... rich, poor, frazzled half to death or sweetly content. A first child is your own best foot forward, and how you do cheer those little feet as they strike out. You examine every turn of flesh for precocity, and crow it to the world.
But the last one; the baby who trails her scent like a flag of surrender through your life when there will be no more coming after... oh, that's love by a different name.
She is the babe you hold in your arms for an hour after she's gone to sleep. If you put her down in the crib, she might wake up changed and fly away.
So instead you rock by the window, drinking the light from her skin, breathing her exhaled dreams. Your heart bays to the double crescent of moons of closed lashes on her cheeks. She's the one you can't put down.
- Excerpt End
And so it is with my first child – he is my best foot forward.
Being a first time mom- I cannot say how I’ll feel about my last born child – for now I’ll have to take Barbara's word as truth.
But what I can speak to is the remarkableness of carrying the first child.
This one makes you a mom.
The day I found out I was pregnant was my re-birth.
I felt I was being born again into something so spectacular – no language has yet created the word to describe it.
I felt almost invincible and yet so humbled at the same time.
Humbled that I could be chosen and entrusted to raise this particular child.
Invincible because the world felt big and I felt big in it.
The first time I saw his heart beat on the sonar – I wept.
There was life growing inside me – an entire heartbeat was throbbing in my belly!
He was hardly the size of my pinkie the first time I saw him and yet already he had consumed my very existence - I knew then my life was forever changed.
When I sit in the bath, I call his name and there’s isn’t a sweeter word I know.
Now that he’s at that stage where he’s moving as though he’s building a castle in me – I know the time is close when I have to let him go.
Each movement is sweet sorrow – on one hand he’s telling me he’s fine and that fills me with such joy and yet on the other hand with each movement I know he’s growth brings closer the time I must let him go to be his own man.
No time has flown like these months I have carried him. And so time has being re-explained to me through his life. The fleeting time of this stage of our lives has made me truly aware of the briefness of the phase we call life on this earth.
Sometimes when I see children I wonder what my boy will look like – beautiful I know – but what will be the detail of his being?
In my mind I can see his little fingers reaching for my face – his lips pursing and feeling the new air – and I wish him joy. I wish him fullness and a life powered by purpose.
And I pray for him – I pray that he would find his path and always follow the Light Who is Pure and True.
My first child – my pride – he may always see me as the woman who gave him life- but it is he who has renewed my time on this earth.
And I have known of God’s existence from as far back as I can remember – but I look at my massive belly now – and now I know the meaning of divine. With the life of my child – I know the life of God is greater than anything I ever imagined.
Nothing in my life has taught me to let go like the arrival of my baby.
There are so many things in life we try so hard to control knowing full well our efforts are futile and yet we keep trying anyway.
For nine months I kept stretch marks at bay – in the final leg of my pregnancy I saw visible scars trailing crossing my belly.
For days I was distraught – knowing full well the scars that had been cast upon me would forever mark my body and this journey my boy and I had been on.
I wanted to weep – I wanted to scream – and for days I mourned the loss of my once perfectly complexioned belly. I felt the youth of life fall from me like a mighty queen from grace.
After perhaps the 987th time of looking at the scars under every possible light and angle – I accepted that my body was forever changed. And more than that – I prepared my broken heart for more changes that would not be pleasant. Finally, I buried the image of the me I once thought would last forever.
And therein came the freedom that had eluded me when I first saw the stretch marks.
Carrying my little guy has taught me yet another lesson – there is such freedom in letting go.
Carrying him in my belly has taught me so much – I can only imagine how much his life will teach me once he’s finally out here.
My boy – my child – my first born – you truly are love by a different name.
P.S. May the gift never be greater than the Giver.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sexy Mama!
So before I forget what it was like being pregnant I want to say – it was AWESOME!
What a trip!
Okay I get that for some women it’s a terrible time filled with indigestion, constipation, nausea, endless fatigue, fat and ugly… but for me it was AWESOME!
I do believe that to a large extent how one feels in pregnancy has much to do with attitude and mind set.
Pregnant women are gorgeous and incredible
I found this to be one hundred percent true during my pregnancy.
There’s something so spiritual and spectacular about carrying another human being that truly softens even the hardest hearts.
Once my beautiful bump started showing, even, people I worked with who had never before smiled at me let alone greet me would stop to find out how I was.
I grew to love one colleague who would always take the time to find out how baby and I were.
He’s a BIG guy and yet if I bumped into him in the elevator he became soft and as flexible as a cloud – becoming almost like a shield around me. It was incredible to see such tenderness. Thank you Thsolofelo. What a heart!
Somehow the whole world seemed to be tuned in to the growing life inside me and I became special. In my mind no star on the red carpet ever received such sterling treatment.
I worked until I was about 9 months and two weeks pregnant.
At that stage I was still flying up and down stairs (I generally don’t recommend this).
I still drove with relative ease although I sat on massive garbage bags and carried a towel with me in case my water broke. Little did I know my water breaking would need WAY more than what I was prepared for.
Right up until the day I went into labour I had TONS of energy and was feeling more beautiful and more confident than I ever had.
Celebrating the bump
I, like most women, am very conscious of how my tummy looks in outfits. That flew out the window during my pregnancy. I WANTED my bump to show.
For once I could revel in the size of my non-abbed belly!
I carried my son for almost ten months and two weeks. The day before he was born I was still driving. I went on with my life with more go than I could ever remember having.
At around 7 months I went for a preggy shoot with a professional photographer. I HIGHLY recommend this.
I wanted the pictures of my beautiful bump to remind me how much I enjoyed carrying my son. I also wanted to, one day, show him how happy he’d made me.
I think it’s a powerful thing to let our kids see how carrying them made us feel remarkable.
Please don’t disturb…
For me being joyful about my pregnancy was how I could thank my body, my husband, my son and my God for what was unfolding in my life.
During my pregnancy there were times I would I take days off from everything and everyone around me to just enjoy being pregnant.
I would tell everyone who would want to reach me on such days that I would not be taking calls or seeing anyone as I would be spending time with my baby.
I spent these days resting, connecting with my unborn child and reveling in the bond that was being forged between us.
Me time…
I made bath times very special; especially in the last weeks of my pregnancy.
I would take this time to appreciate the beauty of candlelight.
I would soak in bubble baths and on the odd occasion hot water* (again I don’t recommend this).
In the very last week of my pregnancy I would spray lavender* around me as I soaked – preparing myself and my son for labour.
I savoured drinking tea* in way I never had before.
When you think of it
Pregnancy is one of the most remarkable celebrations of life.
When one thinks of everything a woman’s body is doing while it’s carrying that life – WOW WOW WOW! No words can describe the complexity or the awesomeness of this.
No invention, not a single one on this earth, comes even close to the intricate operations at work when a woman’s body nurtures her unborn child.
Before I got pregnant I heard some very unsavoury stories about pregnancy.
I would hear pregnant women bemoan their state and once I got pregnant I never understood how one could complain about being pregnant!
I was determined to not join this chorus.
Before my pregnancy I told people that when I did get pregnant I would be beautiful – and I was.
Indigestion and my significant other
Granted the heartburn that kicked in about four months into my pregnancy was – excuse my French – a rabid bitch! But really nothing else can describe in words how terrible the heartburn was. Even using the word terrible is so horribly tame. But other than that I had the best time of my life. Well that was before the even better time of having my son in my arms came.
My preggy happiness was on steroids.
I hardly wore maternity clothes.
I bought regular clothes that made me look as hot and as beautiful as I felt. This also saved me wasting money on clothes I wouldn’t wear after my pregnancy.
On the rare occasion I woke up feeling not so hot – getting all dressed up in my cute outfits usually managed to get me all perked up again.
I was determined to look sexy right until the not so glamorous position labour forced me into.
While I let my sense of good eating go – I NEVER ate for two! Again it’s all in the mind.
Oh and sex! HELLO!
I get goose bumps just thinking about how delicious that was!
I do think that the idea of incredible sex during pregnancy might be a tad over rated. I think my having a great time with it, again, had much to do with my mind set.
At first it felt odd. And only because I thought it strange.
While I felt sexy when I was all dolled up – clothes, cute shoes, great make-up and hair – I didn’t feel so fantastic when in front of my husband naked.
We never spoke about how he saw me – but as soon as I realized that he still found me hot and attractive – well…
And it didn’t hurt any him telling me he thought I was an insanely beautiful woman – and not just because I was pregnant – but in general.
I basked in the glory of that compliment and still carry it with me.
In hindsight
Looking back at my preggy pics – I see now that my nose was huge, my face was puffy, my boobs were udders, my skin was weird and yet I still see the beauty now that I experienced then.
Pregnancy changed my body and it will never be the same. And that’s fine with me.
I got stretch marks – despite the religious regimen to keep them away with the most spectacular/dermatology recommended products. My belly seems to have a whole body of its own, my voice has dropped to an odd (and not so pleasant) octave and may never be the same – and yet to this day I still look back on that part of my journey with such fondness.
Pregnancy is no excuse to indulge in getting fat and feeling ugly - on the contrary.
It’s an opportunity to enjoy the fullness of life and experience one of the most incredible operations in creation.
Acknowledgements for this article
I want to thank all my dear friends and family who had much to do with making my pregnancy such a joy.
Tembisa for the wonderful dish of tripe when I was so craving it. Thank you for having such a cushy shoulder for me to lean on when times were tough.
Elu, what a pillar! Thank you for the patience to listen to all my long discussions about what I was going through. And for making my baby shower memorable.
Mercy, thank you for reminding me always that even if I became a mom you would still expect me to be as fun and as quirky as you know me to be. And thank you for helping me see good even in the most painful of situations.
Vanessa for rubbing my tummy and feet and simply reminding me of Hannah’s song. Thank you for welcoming Luke through every detail you paid attention to in making my baby shower so special.
Mommy for not allowing me to let myself go while I was pregnant. Thank you for all the cute outfits you gave me during this time. You inspired me to stay beautiful.
Thsolofelo for your jovial bellow: “Bun in the oven!” Every time you saw me. It brightened me up every single time!
Linnette for helping me through a very difficult time.
Ellen for giving and giving.
Photographer Kevin Mark Pass for making me feel so fantastic and boosting my confidence through my photo shoot. Thank you for capturing my inside through your work.
P.S. If you want a preggy shoot and would like to contact Kevin you can visit his site: www.kevinmarkpass.com or give him a shout on 0832828008.
Luke for allowing Mommy to be pretty.
Rico you remind me every day how blessed we are that you are Luke’s dad. So much of my beauty during my pregnancy, especially in the latter months, stemmed from knowing that you truly love me.
My body. Thank you for the humility, strength and compassion you showed me while doing what you were created to do.
And always, Father for allowing me this experience. And for answering the many prayers, we and, all the people that love us offered up to You during this time.
Notes:
*Hot baths are not recommended during pregnancy.
I was told it’s because the baby’s temperature can rise to dangerous levels.
I didn’t take hot baths often because of the potential risk to my baby. It’s one of those things that are best to not find out from your own experience.
*Lavender may not be wise to use in early pregnancy.
It’s best to, ALWAYS, ask an aroma therapist which oils and herbs are safe when pregnant.
* I steered clear of caffeinated tea.
In the last two weeks of my pregnancy I started drinking raspberry leaf tea. I was told it was great in preparing my uterus for contractions.
I might as well tell you that I was also told that evening primrose would be fantastic in getting my cervix ready for labour – so I used that as well two weeks before my due date.
Again please please get advice on this from your health care provider.
About coffee
Well for me it was an absolute no-no. I had it twice during my pregnancy. Once before I knew I was pregnant and another time when I was already far along and was insanely craving a cup. My son detested it and let me know immediately.
My tummy went hard and uncomfortable and I never again even entertained the thought of coffee during my pregnancy.
Alcohole etc - I hope that goes without saying...
About smoking while pregnant:
I don’t’ want to clog this blog entry so I entered a whole other article on this subject.
You’re welcome to visit my entry "moms light up for their babies at: http://mommy24-blogger.blogspot.com/2011/10/moms-light-up-for-their-babies.html
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
What a trip!
Okay I get that for some women it’s a terrible time filled with indigestion, constipation, nausea, endless fatigue, fat and ugly… but for me it was AWESOME!
Pregnant women are gorgeous and incredible
I found this to be one hundred percent true during my pregnancy.
There’s something so spiritual and spectacular about carrying another human being that truly softens even the hardest hearts.
Once my beautiful bump started showing, even, people I worked with who had never before smiled at me let alone greet me would stop to find out how I was.
I grew to love one colleague who would always take the time to find out how baby and I were.
He’s a BIG guy and yet if I bumped into him in the elevator he became soft and as flexible as a cloud – becoming almost like a shield around me. It was incredible to see such tenderness. Thank you Thsolofelo. What a heart!
Somehow the whole world seemed to be tuned in to the growing life inside me and I became special. In my mind no star on the red carpet ever received such sterling treatment.
I worked until I was about 9 months and two weeks pregnant.
At that stage I was still flying up and down stairs (I generally don’t recommend this).
I still drove with relative ease although I sat on massive garbage bags and carried a towel with me in case my water broke. Little did I know my water breaking would need WAY more than what I was prepared for.
Right up until the day I went into labour I had TONS of energy and was feeling more beautiful and more confident than I ever had.
Celebrating the bump
I, like most women, am very conscious of how my tummy looks in outfits. That flew out the window during my pregnancy. I WANTED my bump to show.
For once I could revel in the size of my non-abbed belly!
At around 7 months I went for a preggy shoot with a professional photographer. I HIGHLY recommend this.
I wanted the pictures of my beautiful bump to remind me how much I enjoyed carrying my son. I also wanted to, one day, show him how happy he’d made me.
I think it’s a powerful thing to let our kids see how carrying them made us feel remarkable.
Please don’t disturb…
For me being joyful about my pregnancy was how I could thank my body, my husband, my son and my God for what was unfolding in my life.
During my pregnancy there were times I would I take days off from everything and everyone around me to just enjoy being pregnant.
I would tell everyone who would want to reach me on such days that I would not be taking calls or seeing anyone as I would be spending time with my baby.
I spent these days resting, connecting with my unborn child and reveling in the bond that was being forged between us.
Me time…
I made bath times very special; especially in the last weeks of my pregnancy.
I would take this time to appreciate the beauty of candlelight.
I would soak in bubble baths and on the odd occasion hot water* (again I don’t recommend this).
In the very last week of my pregnancy I would spray lavender* around me as I soaked – preparing myself and my son for labour.
I savoured drinking tea* in way I never had before.
When you think of it
Pregnancy is one of the most remarkable celebrations of life.
When one thinks of everything a woman’s body is doing while it’s carrying that life – WOW WOW WOW! No words can describe the complexity or the awesomeness of this.
No invention, not a single one on this earth, comes even close to the intricate operations at work when a woman’s body nurtures her unborn child.
Before I got pregnant I heard some very unsavoury stories about pregnancy.
I would hear pregnant women bemoan their state and once I got pregnant I never understood how one could complain about being pregnant!
I was determined to not join this chorus.
Before my pregnancy I told people that when I did get pregnant I would be beautiful – and I was.
Indigestion and my significant other
Granted the heartburn that kicked in about four months into my pregnancy was – excuse my French – a rabid bitch! But really nothing else can describe in words how terrible the heartburn was. Even using the word terrible is so horribly tame. But other than that I had the best time of my life. Well that was before the even better time of having my son in my arms came.
My preggy happiness was on steroids.
I hardly wore maternity clothes.
I bought regular clothes that made me look as hot and as beautiful as I felt. This also saved me wasting money on clothes I wouldn’t wear after my pregnancy.
On the rare occasion I woke up feeling not so hot – getting all dressed up in my cute outfits usually managed to get me all perked up again.
I was determined to look sexy right until the not so glamorous position labour forced me into.
While I let my sense of good eating go – I NEVER ate for two! Again it’s all in the mind.
Oh and sex! HELLO!
I get goose bumps just thinking about how delicious that was!
I do think that the idea of incredible sex during pregnancy might be a tad over rated. I think my having a great time with it, again, had much to do with my mind set.
At first it felt odd. And only because I thought it strange.
While I felt sexy when I was all dolled up – clothes, cute shoes, great make-up and hair – I didn’t feel so fantastic when in front of my husband naked.
We never spoke about how he saw me – but as soon as I realized that he still found me hot and attractive – well…
And it didn’t hurt any him telling me he thought I was an insanely beautiful woman – and not just because I was pregnant – but in general.
I basked in the glory of that compliment and still carry it with me.
In hindsight
Looking back at my preggy pics – I see now that my nose was huge, my face was puffy, my boobs were udders, my skin was weird and yet I still see the beauty now that I experienced then.
Pregnancy changed my body and it will never be the same. And that’s fine with me.
I got stretch marks – despite the religious regimen to keep them away with the most spectacular/dermatology recommended products. My belly seems to have a whole body of its own, my voice has dropped to an odd (and not so pleasant) octave and may never be the same – and yet to this day I still look back on that part of my journey with such fondness.
Pregnancy is no excuse to indulge in getting fat and feeling ugly - on the contrary.
It’s an opportunity to enjoy the fullness of life and experience one of the most incredible operations in creation.
Acknowledgements for this article
I want to thank all my dear friends and family who had much to do with making my pregnancy such a joy.
Tembisa for the wonderful dish of tripe when I was so craving it. Thank you for having such a cushy shoulder for me to lean on when times were tough.
Elu, what a pillar! Thank you for the patience to listen to all my long discussions about what I was going through. And for making my baby shower memorable.
Mercy, thank you for reminding me always that even if I became a mom you would still expect me to be as fun and as quirky as you know me to be. And thank you for helping me see good even in the most painful of situations.
Vanessa for rubbing my tummy and feet and simply reminding me of Hannah’s song. Thank you for welcoming Luke through every detail you paid attention to in making my baby shower so special.
Mommy for not allowing me to let myself go while I was pregnant. Thank you for all the cute outfits you gave me during this time. You inspired me to stay beautiful.
Thsolofelo for your jovial bellow: “Bun in the oven!” Every time you saw me. It brightened me up every single time!
Linnette for helping me through a very difficult time.
Ellen for giving and giving.
Photographer Kevin Mark Pass for making me feel so fantastic and boosting my confidence through my photo shoot. Thank you for capturing my inside through your work.
P.S. If you want a preggy shoot and would like to contact Kevin you can visit his site: www.kevinmarkpass.com or give him a shout on 0832828008.
Luke for allowing Mommy to be pretty.
Rico you remind me every day how blessed we are that you are Luke’s dad. So much of my beauty during my pregnancy, especially in the latter months, stemmed from knowing that you truly love me.
My body. Thank you for the humility, strength and compassion you showed me while doing what you were created to do.
And always, Father for allowing me this experience. And for answering the many prayers, we and, all the people that love us offered up to You during this time.
Notes:
*Hot baths are not recommended during pregnancy.
I was told it’s because the baby’s temperature can rise to dangerous levels.
I didn’t take hot baths often because of the potential risk to my baby. It’s one of those things that are best to not find out from your own experience.
*Lavender may not be wise to use in early pregnancy.
It’s best to, ALWAYS, ask an aroma therapist which oils and herbs are safe when pregnant.
* I steered clear of caffeinated tea.
In the last two weeks of my pregnancy I started drinking raspberry leaf tea. I was told it was great in preparing my uterus for contractions.
I might as well tell you that I was also told that evening primrose would be fantastic in getting my cervix ready for labour – so I used that as well two weeks before my due date.
Again please please get advice on this from your health care provider.
About coffee
Well for me it was an absolute no-no. I had it twice during my pregnancy. Once before I knew I was pregnant and another time when I was already far along and was insanely craving a cup. My son detested it and let me know immediately.
My tummy went hard and uncomfortable and I never again even entertained the thought of coffee during my pregnancy.
Alcohole etc - I hope that goes without saying...
About smoking while pregnant:
I don’t’ want to clog this blog entry so I entered a whole other article on this subject.
You’re welcome to visit my entry "moms light up for their babies at: http://mommy24-blogger.blogspot.com/2011/10/moms-light-up-for-their-babies.html
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
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