There are a gazillion articles on the benefits of breast milk.
This is not one of them.
Instead I want to say HOORAY!!!!!!! for breast milk.
Really when I finally get to see God, I'll tell Him face to face what I feel every single day - Thank You for breast milk!
I don't think there has EVER been a better invention when it comes to baby care.
Luke loves it. I love it.
It has been amazing for us.
I've been exclusively breastfeeding since Luke was born.
It's not something some of my family relatives have been too ok with - but I've made it very clear that Luke is my baby and this is what I think is best for us.
At four months I am so grateful he hasn't been sick once.
He had the sniffles after his first paed visit. My husband reckons he caught it from the other kids who had colds there.
When Luke was born his one eye seemed to have an infection.
My mom advised I get him some ointment but a breastfeeding consultant advised I just gently squirt some breast milk into his eye.
I did and it worked!
Luke's first vaccination was so painless he slept right through it.
This because the first shot is done just under the skin and the baby feels no pain.
The second vaccination though - that was heart wrenching.
My son looked at me and wailed - I couldn't help bawling with him.
I carried my incosolable baby to the car and breast fed him.
He quietened down immediately.
I fed him on demand throughout that day (as I usually do) and he didn't get a fever or temperature. We sailed right through that vaccination and all that have come after it.
What has really helped with the breast feeding is how supportive my husband has been of it.
In the first few days of Luke's birth he would tell people how amazing colostrum was.
I fail to describe how charged he'd get talking about what a super amazing "vooma!" boost colostrum was giving our baby.
Rico does everything he possibly can to ensure that we stick with our decision to exclusively breast milk feed until Luke's six months.I don't underestimate this support and our son is better for it.
Another HOORAY for breast milk!!!!!
It's really one of the best gifts we've been given. And for moms who can breast feed - what a joy, an honour and truly - what a privilege.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there.
DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Benefits of massaging baby
Stretching baby and giving them a massage I think is an essential part of their development.
In their book Baby Sense Megan Faure and Ann Richardson recommend that a daily massage is ideal.
When Luke was a newborn I would gently stretch his arms and legs while he was taking a bath.
When my cousin Crystal visited with us she taught me how to gently massage him.
First she'd stretched him then she would gently massage his body using his face cloth.
The first time Crystal stretched Luke's arms and legs (her way) - his joints were stiff.
"They are seated and lying all day - they need you to help them stretch," she advised.
A few days after following Crystal's stretch and massage method, Luke's joints were more supple and he wasn't as stiff as before.
Luke's now four months old and very active. He moves his arms and legs about a lot.
Using a mobile gym has helped with this especially for his arms.
(His gross motor skills have also been improved by use of the mobile gym.)
So now I don't massage and stretch him as much in the bath.
Instead I do this while moisturising him after the bath.
According to Baby Sense touch is one of the most powerful mediums that you can use to bond with your baby and can begin within days of your baby's birth.
Among some of the benefits Baby Sense mentions:
- improved respiration
- better lymph and blood circulation
- improved gastro-intestinal function
Deepe touch and massage also calm baby and are therefore excellent remedies for colic.
The other day Luke was really upset.
I had no idea what was wrong with him - I checked for anything that would be causing him discomfort. Everything seemed fine.
I then tried the regular soothing methods I use with him and still he struggled to calm down.
My mom began to rub his feet and shortly after he begun to settle.
Other benefits Baby Sense mentions regarding massage:
- it speeds up the progress of premature and low birth-weight babies.
- babies who are regularly massaged are less likely to cry excessively, they sleep better and gain weight faster.
- massage is calming and a wonderful way to develop body awareness which is essential for the development of spatial perception later. This in turn is vital for academic skills such as writing and math.
The book however cautions to:
- Not massage baby a few days after immunizations as his temperature may be slightly raised.
- At all times keep baby's joints well aligned to prevent damage to the joints. Always use firm but gentle strokes.
- Be attuned to baby's signals after a massage. If they're unusually irritable, wait a few weeks before doing another massage.
My experience with Luke was that when I started with the massage and stretches he hated it.
Crystal was surprised by this because her daughter loved it.
Often she found that a good massage would put her baby to sound sleep for hours.
But Luke has become accustomed to the massages - I can't say he enjoys them thoroughly but since I started with them I really do see the benefits. So I'm sticking with it and being as gentle as I can.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Recommendations:
I highly recommend moms to read Baby Sense.
I've recommended this book in other blogs.
In their book Baby Sense Megan Faure and Ann Richardson recommend that a daily massage is ideal.
When Luke was a newborn I would gently stretch his arms and legs while he was taking a bath.
When my cousin Crystal visited with us she taught me how to gently massage him.
First she'd stretched him then she would gently massage his body using his face cloth.
The first time Crystal stretched Luke's arms and legs (her way) - his joints were stiff.
"They are seated and lying all day - they need you to help them stretch," she advised.
A few days after following Crystal's stretch and massage method, Luke's joints were more supple and he wasn't as stiff as before.
Luke's now four months old and very active. He moves his arms and legs about a lot.
Using a mobile gym has helped with this especially for his arms.
(His gross motor skills have also been improved by use of the mobile gym.)
So now I don't massage and stretch him as much in the bath.
Instead I do this while moisturising him after the bath.
According to Baby Sense touch is one of the most powerful mediums that you can use to bond with your baby and can begin within days of your baby's birth.
Among some of the benefits Baby Sense mentions:
- improved respiration
- better lymph and blood circulation
- improved gastro-intestinal function
Deepe touch and massage also calm baby and are therefore excellent remedies for colic.
The other day Luke was really upset.
I had no idea what was wrong with him - I checked for anything that would be causing him discomfort. Everything seemed fine.
I then tried the regular soothing methods I use with him and still he struggled to calm down.
My mom began to rub his feet and shortly after he begun to settle.
Other benefits Baby Sense mentions regarding massage:
- it speeds up the progress of premature and low birth-weight babies.
- babies who are regularly massaged are less likely to cry excessively, they sleep better and gain weight faster.
- massage is calming and a wonderful way to develop body awareness which is essential for the development of spatial perception later. This in turn is vital for academic skills such as writing and math.
The book however cautions to:
- Not massage baby a few days after immunizations as his temperature may be slightly raised.
- At all times keep baby's joints well aligned to prevent damage to the joints. Always use firm but gentle strokes.
- Be attuned to baby's signals after a massage. If they're unusually irritable, wait a few weeks before doing another massage.
My experience with Luke was that when I started with the massage and stretches he hated it.
Crystal was surprised by this because her daughter loved it.
Often she found that a good massage would put her baby to sound sleep for hours.
But Luke has become accustomed to the massages - I can't say he enjoys them thoroughly but since I started with them I really do see the benefits. So I'm sticking with it and being as gentle as I can.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Recommendations:
I highly recommend moms to read Baby Sense.
I've recommended this book in other blogs.
I'm totally glad I sleep coached Luke
So it's been three weeks since I started coaching my little man.
It hasn't been easy and I can't say we're done with the coaching but I'm really glad we stuck with it.
By "we" I mean my husband and I.
Well I did most of the coaching but Rico had to be on board.
Warning to moms who may want to sleep coach: hubby has to be on board otherwise it will be a waste of time and heartache.
Sleep coaching is not easy. But it's not hard either.
This subject, I have found, to be quite controversial.
On one hand there's the school of thought that argues that sleep coaching is necessary.
So much so that this group of folks think that sleep coaching is as important to a child's development as crawling or walking.
Then there's another group that thinks sleep coaching comes from the devil. They reckon it's abusive and ignores a child's pleas for help.
These are the two extremes and in between this spectrum is a whole array of people.
Me? I fluctuated between the two poles before and during sleep coaching Luke.
In of my entries Sleep coaching Luke: what I wished I'd known part 1 I was wallowing at the poll where I felt I had ruined my son with the coaching.
I don't feel that way anymore.
I left that entry on my blog however to show how conflicted I was during the process and to tell you that should you choose to go this route doubt might plague you.
Here's a short break down of what happened after that entry.
I spoke to my husband about how I felt and that I thought I'd crushed Luke's spirit by sleep coaching him.
My husband said: "The people who think sleep coaching is abusive and you should jump every time your kid cries are the same people who let their kids run wild. Those are the same people who cannot discipline their kids or teach them manners."
It was a pretty harsh statement and yet inside I was so grateful that he validated what I was feeling.
I'm not saying that parents who choose not to sleep coach are wrong.
I did it because I got too exhausted not doing it.
Also I didn't want to have my son depend on me to sleep. Sleep is natural. So much so that one child therapist told me that teaching my child to sleep on his own was one of the best things I could give him.
She had met many kids, especially toddlers, who just simply didn't know how to sleep.
So I continued with the coaching.
By the second week of the coaching Luke was able to fall asleep completely without any help from me.
He was back to his old cheerful self. Even that look I had missed so much in his eyes was back.
I put him down to sleep a few minutes ago. He was wide awake.
He slept without so much as a tinkle.
Am I glad my son can sleep on his own? Yes!
Was coaching fun? No.
Would I do it again? Certainly.
Do I have any guilt about taking my son through this process. Not one bit.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
It hasn't been easy and I can't say we're done with the coaching but I'm really glad we stuck with it.
By "we" I mean my husband and I.
Well I did most of the coaching but Rico had to be on board.
Warning to moms who may want to sleep coach: hubby has to be on board otherwise it will be a waste of time and heartache.
Sleep coaching is not easy. But it's not hard either.
This subject, I have found, to be quite controversial.
On one hand there's the school of thought that argues that sleep coaching is necessary.
So much so that this group of folks think that sleep coaching is as important to a child's development as crawling or walking.
Then there's another group that thinks sleep coaching comes from the devil. They reckon it's abusive and ignores a child's pleas for help.
These are the two extremes and in between this spectrum is a whole array of people.
Me? I fluctuated between the two poles before and during sleep coaching Luke.
In of my entries Sleep coaching Luke: what I wished I'd known part 1 I was wallowing at the poll where I felt I had ruined my son with the coaching.
I don't feel that way anymore.
I left that entry on my blog however to show how conflicted I was during the process and to tell you that should you choose to go this route doubt might plague you.
Here's a short break down of what happened after that entry.
I spoke to my husband about how I felt and that I thought I'd crushed Luke's spirit by sleep coaching him.
My husband said: "The people who think sleep coaching is abusive and you should jump every time your kid cries are the same people who let their kids run wild. Those are the same people who cannot discipline their kids or teach them manners."
It was a pretty harsh statement and yet inside I was so grateful that he validated what I was feeling.
I'm not saying that parents who choose not to sleep coach are wrong.
I did it because I got too exhausted not doing it.
Also I didn't want to have my son depend on me to sleep. Sleep is natural. So much so that one child therapist told me that teaching my child to sleep on his own was one of the best things I could give him.
She had met many kids, especially toddlers, who just simply didn't know how to sleep.
So I continued with the coaching.
By the second week of the coaching Luke was able to fall asleep completely without any help from me.
He was back to his old cheerful self. Even that look I had missed so much in his eyes was back.
I put him down to sleep a few minutes ago. He was wide awake.
He slept without so much as a tinkle.
Am I glad my son can sleep on his own? Yes!
Was coaching fun? No.
Would I do it again? Certainly.
Do I have any guilt about taking my son through this process. Not one bit.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A simple tip for baby's skin
So there are a few things I've learned in the few months I've had my son.
Among them - not to use Johnson and Johnson bath products on him.
One of my friend's warned me about the Johnson and Johnson baby range. At the time I had already bought the bath soaps. I thought I'd use them because they were quite pricey. I didn't intend to replace them when finished.
Each time I used the Johnson and Johnson bath soap on my son he would break out in what seemed like a painful rash.
I've been using the Johnson and Johnson baby powder on him and that seems ok. I switched to Annique because I heard it was mild. He broke out with that too.
Our doctor prescribed Oilatum soap together with Epi-max moisturizers - my son reacted to those too.
Eventually a friend advised me to use aqueous cream to bath my baby.
I thought it was absurd but a pharmacist advised it too saying she had used it on both her children.
So I creamed my baby with aqueous baby cream (the one for sensitive skin) then bathed him and immediately his skin looked better.
The redness disappeared almost instantly.
His scalp was also very dry and flaky. The pharmacist advised I use coconut oil for that.
I've been using the aqueous cream to bath and moisturise Luke and his skin seems much better.
It's still dry but the redness and rash are almost gone.
Had I known of these cheaper alternatives I would have saved myself a lot of money. And hassle.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Among them - not to use Johnson and Johnson bath products on him.
One of my friend's warned me about the Johnson and Johnson baby range. At the time I had already bought the bath soaps. I thought I'd use them because they were quite pricey. I didn't intend to replace them when finished.
Each time I used the Johnson and Johnson bath soap on my son he would break out in what seemed like a painful rash.
I've been using the Johnson and Johnson baby powder on him and that seems ok. I switched to Annique because I heard it was mild. He broke out with that too.
Our doctor prescribed Oilatum soap together with Epi-max moisturizers - my son reacted to those too.
Eventually a friend advised me to use aqueous cream to bath my baby.
I thought it was absurd but a pharmacist advised it too saying she had used it on both her children.
So I creamed my baby with aqueous baby cream (the one for sensitive skin) then bathed him and immediately his skin looked better.
The redness disappeared almost instantly.
His scalp was also very dry and flaky. The pharmacist advised I use coconut oil for that.
I've been using the aqueous cream to bath and moisturise Luke and his skin seems much better.
It's still dry but the redness and rash are almost gone.
Had I known of these cheaper alternatives I would have saved myself a lot of money. And hassle.
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sleep coaching: what I wished I'd known - Part 2
So I'm on the fence about whether I should continue with the coaching or abandon it all together. Or find an alternative way of coaching that works for us.
Yesterday I was quite devastated that perhaps I'd crushed my child's spirit and/or sense of security and trust by sleep coaching him. That's what the articles I read suggested.
I talked to his dad about some of the blogs and other research I'd come across and he reckoned the people who were completely against sleep coaching (as referenced in my previous blog) were probably the same people who let their kids go wild without any boundaries.
Rico thinks Luke should have boundaries and sleep coaching is a boundary that needs to be created for him.
So yesterday I monitored my son.
I let him play alone and I continued with the coaching.
He's got the sleep right - he gets sleepy - I put him down and he sleeps.
We're still working through him playing on his own and not constantly wanting to be carried by me.
I don't leave him to play in any room alone - he plays in my full view.
So I'll do some more research today - but more importantly I'll keep watching Luke and how he's taking all this in.
At the end of the day I do want Luke to have boundaries but not at the cost of destroying his trust in me or his dad.
I want him to know that when he's unhappy or uncomfortable and needs me I will be there for him. Always.
But I will not feed into behaviour that could cost my son in the long run because I couldn't stand my ground and do what was best for him in his formative years.
I have to do what's best for Luke the child and Luke the man, now, even if it means being unpopular and losing my status as super mom in his eyes.
And of course I need to not lose my mind with fatigue because I'm carrying him all the time and up countless times at night. This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Yesterday I was quite devastated that perhaps I'd crushed my child's spirit and/or sense of security and trust by sleep coaching him. That's what the articles I read suggested.
I talked to his dad about some of the blogs and other research I'd come across and he reckoned the people who were completely against sleep coaching (as referenced in my previous blog) were probably the same people who let their kids go wild without any boundaries.
Rico thinks Luke should have boundaries and sleep coaching is a boundary that needs to be created for him.
So yesterday I monitored my son.
I let him play alone and I continued with the coaching.
He's got the sleep right - he gets sleepy - I put him down and he sleeps.
We're still working through him playing on his own and not constantly wanting to be carried by me.
I don't leave him to play in any room alone - he plays in my full view.
So I'll do some more research today - but more importantly I'll keep watching Luke and how he's taking all this in.
At the end of the day I do want Luke to have boundaries but not at the cost of destroying his trust in me or his dad.
I want him to know that when he's unhappy or uncomfortable and needs me I will be there for him. Always.
But I will not feed into behaviour that could cost my son in the long run because I couldn't stand my ground and do what was best for him in his formative years.
I have to do what's best for Luke the child and Luke the man, now, even if it means being unpopular and losing my status as super mom in his eyes.
And of course I need to not lose my mind with fatigue because I'm carrying him all the time and up countless times at night. This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Sleep coaching - what I wish I'd known! Part 1
It's a week and two days since I started sleep coaching Luke.
He's been sleeping really well - but today... it was almost as though all the coaching we did last week just flew out the window.
He's not sucking his fingers as he'd started doing successfully - today he cried a lot whenever I put him down. So much so that I couldn't put him down for long as I'd been able to do all week.
Today he wanted me close and appeared clingy.
I wondered if he was too hot - then too cold - then if his diaper was dirty - then if he was hungry - then if he had a temeprature - was he bored? - or did he just need me to hold him?
Since the coaching, he'd started to play so beautifully on his own - he'd also started sleeping so well on his own - what happened!
I've been told by relatives that Luke crying when I'm not holding him is manipulative and he needs to learn to not need to be held all the time.
At first I ignored this advice - and then came a time when I felt ill with fatigue.
Luke wanted to be held ALL the time.
If he was awake he wanted to be in my arms.
It got worse when being in my arms wasn't good enough for him anymore. He wanted me standing and rocking while I held him. Or I had to be walking around.
I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
Anyway so I thought maybe, just maybe, the women in my family had a point - I had to teach my son to not "need" being held all the time.
Last week when we started the coaching Luke was so mad at me he wouldn't look at me while feeding.
Usually when he's breastfeeding he doesn't take his eyes off me.
He looks at me.
So intense is that look it's as though he's decoding my DNA and picking out the bits he recognises as replicated in him. He looks at me as though he reads every bit of my soul, every concern, every joy, every worry, every dream, every ambition and that look says: "it's ok mommy". It's a wise look that seems to accpet the burden of being my light in places that were once overwhelmed with dark solitude. It's this deep look that says so many things that by the time he's finished feeding we've had an entire conversation - with our eyes. I miss that look.
Luke was miserable the day the coaching began - I'd expected he would be.
I'd also expected that his discomfort and unhappiness would go on beyond that day until he got the lesson.
I'd comforted myself with the idea that as soon as we got the sleep and play right he would forgive me and we'd all be the better for it.
When awake he would've learned that not being held all the time wouldn't kill him - he would be fine and then when the time came to sleep he would have learned to sleep on his own without needing to be fed or rocked to sleep.
If I'm completely honest: Luke has not been the cheerful, bubbly boy he always is.
And I really do believe that I, through the sleep coaching, have crushed my son.
During the coaching I haven't let him cry for long periods - I've been letting him cry a short while (no longer than 3-5 minutes) then I'd pick him up - comfort him, hold him tight and tell him I'm there but "Mommy's going to put you down again because you're fully capable of playing on your own."
His dad had thought the mobile gym would help because he believed Luke was probably crying because he was bored.
He likes the mobile gym but prefers it if we join him while he plays.
I've been playing a lot more music for him lately - he seems to be indifferent to it and only really lights up when I play with him and sing along while the music plays.
So something just doesn't feel right about the sleep coaching. I don't know if it's right or if I'm going about it the right way...
My research on the matter thus far has caused me to stumble upon a few blogs.
Usually I'd do some extensive research and compile a summary but today I'm far too overwhelmed to do this.
I'm gutted and I'm feeling very weepy that I've (for a whole week and two days!) not been there for my son.
My new found joy in life is being there for my son. That's what I've made my life about and making that decision has, fulfilled, and made me so happy!
I feel like a failure right now - I knew these times (of feeling I'm doing it wrong) would come I just didn't think they'd make me feel this rubbish.
I'm feeling TREMENDOUSLY guilty - was my son asking me ALL week to not abandon him and I ignored his pleas?
Well Dr Phil would probably say: "Worse than doing it for a week and two days would be doing it for a week and three days!"
I have always believed that Luke, his dad and I should communicate to each other what's best for him.
But I got tired - REALLY TIRED and I couldn't rock him as much as he wanted me to - I couldn't hold him as much as he wanted me to.
My husband helped a lot. But on days I'd pass out from exhaustion and he would take over, he too would get tired of carrying Luke and eventually he'd plonk our boy next to me and I'd have to take over again. We got tired.
I feel as though I've let my little gem down.
Does he trust me still?
Does he trust that I will be there for him when he needs me? Or that when he cries out for help he will be heard?
Does he trust that if he needs me I will be there for him?
Or have I, in this week, taught him that he's on his own?
Has the coaching broken something in him that might never be fixed?
O mon petit prince!
And if we do go back to me holding him all the time and rocking him to sleep - what happens when it gets to the point (again!) where I feel incredible pain in every joint in my body that I feel compelled to try the coaching again before madness takes over?
This child is a part of me in a way that nothing else ever will be.
Oh Lula my son - what do we do now?
Links I've read on this:
How leaving your baby to cry can increase their stress levels - maybe for life: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html
The trauma your child suffers when left to "cry it out" http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009/12/just-let-her-cry.html
Candid account of how your baby feels when left alone to cry: http://parentingredefined.blogspot.com/2011/03/manipulation-or-communication.html
This blog has moved to our new home mommy24.com. Please join us there. DISCLAIMER: This blog is based on my opinion and should not replace advice from your health care providers and/or qualified medical practitioners.
I’m not a doctor or medical practitioner of any sort. I’m a mom.
In some of my blogs I include research, references and recommendations to various sources – I provide this information without any warranty of any kind, express or implied and I’m not liable for its accuracy nor for any loss or damage caused by anyone who uses this information.
I strongly encourage moms to do their own research on any and every subject I blog about.
He's been sleeping really well - but today... it was almost as though all the coaching we did last week just flew out the window.
He's not sucking his fingers as he'd started doing successfully - today he cried a lot whenever I put him down. So much so that I couldn't put him down for long as I'd been able to do all week.
Today he wanted me close and appeared clingy.
I wondered if he was too hot - then too cold - then if his diaper was dirty - then if he was hungry - then if he had a temeprature - was he bored? - or did he just need me to hold him?
Since the coaching, he'd started to play so beautifully on his own - he'd also started sleeping so well on his own - what happened!
I've been told by relatives that Luke crying when I'm not holding him is manipulative and he needs to learn to not need to be held all the time.
At first I ignored this advice - and then came a time when I felt ill with fatigue.
Luke wanted to be held ALL the time.
If he was awake he wanted to be in my arms.
It got worse when being in my arms wasn't good enough for him anymore. He wanted me standing and rocking while I held him. Or I had to be walking around.
I COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
Anyway so I thought maybe, just maybe, the women in my family had a point - I had to teach my son to not "need" being held all the time.
Last week when we started the coaching Luke was so mad at me he wouldn't look at me while feeding.
Usually when he's breastfeeding he doesn't take his eyes off me.
He looks at me.
So intense is that look it's as though he's decoding my DNA and picking out the bits he recognises as replicated in him. He looks at me as though he reads every bit of my soul, every concern, every joy, every worry, every dream, every ambition and that look says: "it's ok mommy". It's a wise look that seems to accpet the burden of being my light in places that were once overwhelmed with dark solitude. It's this deep look that says so many things that by the time he's finished feeding we've had an entire conversation - with our eyes. I miss that look.
Luke was miserable the day the coaching began - I'd expected he would be.
I'd also expected that his discomfort and unhappiness would go on beyond that day until he got the lesson.
I'd comforted myself with the idea that as soon as we got the sleep and play right he would forgive me and we'd all be the better for it.
When awake he would've learned that not being held all the time wouldn't kill him - he would be fine and then when the time came to sleep he would have learned to sleep on his own without needing to be fed or rocked to sleep.
If I'm completely honest: Luke has not been the cheerful, bubbly boy he always is.
And I really do believe that I, through the sleep coaching, have crushed my son.
During the coaching I haven't let him cry for long periods - I've been letting him cry a short while (no longer than 3-5 minutes) then I'd pick him up - comfort him, hold him tight and tell him I'm there but "Mommy's going to put you down again because you're fully capable of playing on your own."
His dad had thought the mobile gym would help because he believed Luke was probably crying because he was bored.
He likes the mobile gym but prefers it if we join him while he plays.
I've been playing a lot more music for him lately - he seems to be indifferent to it and only really lights up when I play with him and sing along while the music plays.
So something just doesn't feel right about the sleep coaching. I don't know if it's right or if I'm going about it the right way...
My research on the matter thus far has caused me to stumble upon a few blogs.
Usually I'd do some extensive research and compile a summary but today I'm far too overwhelmed to do this.
I'm gutted and I'm feeling very weepy that I've (for a whole week and two days!) not been there for my son.
My new found joy in life is being there for my son. That's what I've made my life about and making that decision has, fulfilled, and made me so happy!
I feel like a failure right now - I knew these times (of feeling I'm doing it wrong) would come I just didn't think they'd make me feel this rubbish.
I'm feeling TREMENDOUSLY guilty - was my son asking me ALL week to not abandon him and I ignored his pleas?
Well Dr Phil would probably say: "Worse than doing it for a week and two days would be doing it for a week and three days!"
I have always believed that Luke, his dad and I should communicate to each other what's best for him.
But I got tired - REALLY TIRED and I couldn't rock him as much as he wanted me to - I couldn't hold him as much as he wanted me to.
My husband helped a lot. But on days I'd pass out from exhaustion and he would take over, he too would get tired of carrying Luke and eventually he'd plonk our boy next to me and I'd have to take over again. We got tired.
I feel as though I've let my little gem down.
Does he trust me still?
Does he trust that I will be there for him when he needs me? Or that when he cries out for help he will be heard?
Does he trust that if he needs me I will be there for him?
Or have I, in this week, taught him that he's on his own?
Has the coaching broken something in him that might never be fixed?
O mon petit prince!
And if we do go back to me holding him all the time and rocking him to sleep - what happens when it gets to the point (again!) where I feel incredible pain in every joint in my body that I feel compelled to try the coaching again before madness takes over?
This child is a part of me in a way that nothing else ever will be.
Oh Lula my son - what do we do now?
Links I've read on this:
How leaving your baby to cry can increase their stress levels - maybe for life: http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html
The trauma your child suffers when left to "cry it out" http://womanuncensored.blogspot.com/2009/12/just-let-her-cry.html
Candid account of how your baby feels when left alone to cry: http://parentingredefined.blogspot.com/2011/03/manipulation-or-communication.html
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